“F is a forceful character whom M finds difficult to deflect and resist. It is difficult for her and causes her anxiety which may well reflect on the children who may sense that.”
“Through these proceedings there has been much comment that F as he presents now is hardly recognisable from the angry and difficult litigant in person who reduced two members of Dr G’s staff to tears and bombarded the court with emails to the point that the clerk required to change her e.mail address.”
“Unfortunately M has informed me that she would be emotionally unable to engage with [the process of desensitisation]. I am aware that M was traumatised in her relationship with F. Unfortunately M reported that she feels she has been further traumatised by the behaviour of F within these proceedings and feels unable to engage with any desensitisation or any therapeutic process.”
“[Dr G] acknowledges the profound commitment that F has always shown to his children and to having contact with them, genuinely based on his firm belief that it is in the interests of the children for them to have a relationship with him, a view endorsed by Dr G. She identified the affective (emotional) and behavioural presentation of F was significantly different from the last assessment; F was willing to engage in the time of assessment and remained calm throughout. She acknowledged that F was engaged in the intervention with Mr S who is providing a cognitive and emotional based intervention focussed on facilitating the development of insight and change in emotional and other behavioural responses. F has responded well to the intervention. She found there was evidence during this assessment that F has developed some insight with regard to his own emotional and other behaviour and the effects that his behaviour has had on others. The insight F has developed is at a cognitive level and that the changes that have occurred in his behaviour have been achieved by the implementation of useful and appropriate cognitive strategies. There was evidence of some significant emotional development and she understood that further, more in-depth, emotional work is proposed to facilitate the development of empathy in F and will lead to a greater understanding of his own emotional functioning and that of others. This she regarded as an essential aspect of the intervention that is required by F. F has developed some capacity to control his emotional expression [and some] insight with regard to the advantages that this will have on his communication and interaction with others.”
“57. M came across as surprisingly robust while giving her evidence and gave the initial impression that she was now able to deal with past emotional upset caused by F’s behaviour, but that her concerns as to the desensitisation work were similar to those of Dr G. However, as her evidence unfolded, a different picture emerged, and without any particular warning, M simply broke down. She was asked to give careful thought to her position on direct contact, and confirmed that in reality, she could not support it, the idea of F having contact was “exhausting”, and I commend her for an honest answer. I did not understand this to be out of any desire to prevent F having contact, but genuinely as a result of considering her own ability to cope. 58. I had a great deal of difficulty with much of M’s evidence. There were a number of occasions where what she said was inconsistent with what she had said previously. Having read Dr G’s report, she had filed a statement indicating that she thought “any reference to A hearing me in distress is reflective of her stress rather than accurate recollection”, but in evidence she said she thought A must have heard her, if that is what A had said. She could not explain why this line of reasoning had not been what she put in her statement. She told the court that the children do not ask about F at all, but later accepted that there were conversations generated through the weekly cards F sent. She told the court initially that she had kept the majority of them, but when pressed as to how many that would be, said “the last five or six”
“65. I am satisfied M remains vulnerable to continuing trauma through this court process and that attempts to re-introduce F to the children are likely to be met with similar adversive behaviour. M’s initial stated position that she supported direct contact “in principle” was no doubt a position that she genuinely adheres to in the best interests of her children; however considering all of the evidence to date I find it more likely than not that regardless of her stated position, M would be unable to avoid acting in a manner that frustrated the programme. Indeed, M’s passing shot as she finished her evidence that F had stared at her in an intimidating fashion was, in my assessment, yet more evidence of M’s continuing adversive behaviour as described by Dr G. She remains innately hostile to F, as a result of the trauma she has experienced and continued to experience for some considerable time as the proceedings progressed. I conclude that she is unable to support the children in having contact with their F and in this regard only I find M is unable to meet the children’s needs.66. It is unfortunate that M has not taken the opportunities offered to her to engage in therapy to assist her in dealing with her trauma. It is my view that this is imperative if she is to be able to fully meet her children’s needs in the future. Her refusal to engage remains a barrier to contact. It is also unfortunate that through 2011, the focus was on F’s need for therapeutic input and how far that needed to be advanced before contact could commence. M’s position as communicated to Dr G in May 2011 was acknowledged by the professionals, but not in my view given sufficient consideration as to its significance which has only now become apparent.”
“1. Overriding all else, as provided by s 1(1) of the 1989 Act, the welfare of the child is the paramount consideration, and the court is concerned with the interests of the mother and the father only in so far as they bear on the welfare of the child. 2. It is almost always in the interests of a child whose parents are separated that he or she should have contact with the parent with whom the child is not living. 3. The court has power to enforce orders for contact, which it should not hesitate to exercise where it judges that it will overall promote the welfare of the child to do so. 4. Cases do, unhappily and infrequently but occasionally, arise in which a court is compelled to conclude that in existing circumstances an order for immediate direct contact should not be ordered, because so to order would injure the welfare of the child: see Re D (A Minor) (Contact) [1993] 1 FCR 964 at pp 971G–972A per Waite, LJ. 5. In cases in which, for whatever reason, direct contact cannot for the time being be ordered, it is ordinarily highly desirable that there should be indirect contact so that the child grows up knowing of the love and interest of the absent parent with whom, in due course, direct contact should be established.”
"... where the parents have separated and one has the care of the child, access by the other often results in some upset in the child. Those upsets are usually minor and superficial. They are heavily outweighed by the long-term advantages to the child of keeping in touch with the parent concerned so that they do not become strangers, so that the child later in life does not resent the deprivation and turn against the parent who the child thinks, rightly or wrongly, has deprived him, and so that the deprived parent loses interest in the child and therefore does not make the material and emotional contribution to the child's development which that parent, by its companionship and otherwise would make."
"But before concluding this judgment, I would like to make three general points. The first is that Judges should be very reluctant to allow the implacable hostility of one parent (usually the parent who has a residence order in his or her favour), to deter them from making a contact order where they believe the child's welfare requires it. The danger of allowing the implacable hostility of the residential parent (usually the mother), to frustrate the court's decision is too obvious to require repetition on my part."” "... where the parents have separated and one has the care of the child, access by the other often results in some upset in the child. Those upsets are usually minor and superficial. They are heavily outweighed by the long-term advantages to the child of keeping in touch with the parent concerned so that they do not become strangers, so that the child later in life does not resent the deprivation and turn against the parent who the child thinks, rightly or wrongly, has deprived him, and so that the deprived parent loses interest in the child and therefore does not make the material and emotional contribution to the child's development which that parent, by its companionship and otherwise would make." "
“Disputes between separated parents over contact to their children are amongst the most difficult and sensitive cases which judges and magistrates have to hear. Nobody should pretend that they are easy, or that there is any one-size-fits-all solution … The courts recognise the critical importance of the role of both parents in the lives of their children. The courts are not anti-father and pro-mother or vice versa. The court’s task, imposed by Parliament ins 1 of the Children Act 1989 , in every case is to treat the welfare of the child or children concerned as paramount, and to safeguard and promote the welfare of every child to the best of its ability … Unless there are cogent reasons against it, the children of separated parents are entitled to know and have the love and society of both their parents. In particular the courts recognise the vital importance of the role of non-resident fathers in the lives of their children, and only make orders terminating contact when there is no alternative.”
“a) Contact between parent and child is a fundamental element of family life and is almost always in the interests of the child. b) Contact between parent and child is to be terminated only in exceptional circumstances, where there are cogent reasons for doing so and when there is no alternative. Contact is to be terminated only if it will be detrimental to the child's welfare. c) There is a positive obligation on the State, and therefore on the judge, to take measures to maintain and to reconstitute the relationship between parent and child, in short, to maintain or restore contact. The judge has a positive duty to attempt to promote contact. The judge must grapple with all the available alternatives before abandoning hope of achieving some contact. He must be careful not to come to a premature decision, for contact is to be stopped only as a last resort and only once it has become clear that the child will not benefit from continuing the attempt. d) The court should take a medium-term and long-term view and not accord excessive weight to what appear likely to be short-term or transient problems. e) The key question, which requires 'stricter scrutiny', is whether the judge has taken all necessary steps to facilitate contact as can reasonably be demanded in the circumstances of the particular case. f) All that said, at the end of the day the welfare of the child is paramount; the child's interest must have precedence over any other consideration.”
"[The parents] must put aside their differences ... if the adults do not manage to resolve things by communicating with each other, the children inevitably suffer and the adults may also pay the price when the children are old enough to be aware of what has been going on. ... It is a tremendous privilege to be involved in bringing up a child. Childhood is over all too quickly and, whilst I appreciate that both sides think that they are motivated only by concern for the children, it is still very sad to see it being allowed to slip away whilst energy is devoted to adult wrangles and to litigation. What is particularly unfair is that the legacy of a childhood tainted in that way is likely to remain with the children into their own adult lives."