“2. The parties agree that they will not denigrate the other in front of the children. 3. The parties will ensure that the communications between them are child-focused and limited to issues concerning the children’s spending time arrangements, wellbeing, and education. 4. The preferred method of communication between the parties is via What’sApp save as to emergencies. 5. Mr Mamattah confirmed that he had no concerns about neglect of the children by Mother. 6. Mother agrees, in principle that the children should learn about their Islamic faith. 7. Should the parties agree that the children attend Islamic classes, Mother will not be responsible for their attendance. 8. The parties understand that should the children wish to speak to the other parent they will be enabled to do so by phone. 9. Each parent agrees to embrace each other’s role in the children lives in a positive way and not unnecessarily criticise the other. 10. The father’s application for enforcement dated11th August 2021 was listed for directions at the conclusion of the hearing; he confirmed that he did not wish to pursue it since contact had resumed, which was his purpose in making the application.”
“The Court requests that if possible, and if it will not cause undue delay, this report should be carried out by Mr Patrick Mamattah. If not available, the Court request the report is carried out by an officer with suitable experience of dealing issues of dual-heritage children and the cultural/religious issues.”
“34. …I am concerned that [the father] may be continuing to abuse [the mother] emotionally and verbally, and that he is using the children as a means to perpetrate this abuse, and thus harming them emotionally. Coercive behaviour can be very difficult to evidence, but I consider that there is an emerging picture of behaviour which raises significant worries about the children’s safety in their father’s care. For this reason, I recommend that they do not spend time directly with their father moving forward. Instead, I recommend that they are supported to have indirect communication via cards and photographs to support their identity needs. I recommend that the children’s mother has oversight of this correspondence so as to ensure that it is appropriate and child-centred, and that this is sent once a month, as well as on the children’s birthdays and at Eid. 35. I do not underestimate the significance of this recommendation on the children, especially on Cala who is expressing a desire to spend time with her father. However, I have utilised Cafcass’s Spending Time Arrangements Safety Indicator to consider if this would be safe to continue and have concluded that overall it would not be safe for either Cala or Daib. This is due to the lack of insight, reflection and remorse from [the father], the high level of fear expressed by [the mother], and the concerns that Spending Time arrangements are being used to undermine the children’s mother and continue abuse. The cumulative impact on the children’s mother’s wellbeing will have a significant impact on the children moving forward, and there is a high risk of parental alienation. Arrangements do appear to be consistent and contribute in some ways to a positive sense of identity for the children, but the wider negative impact is too great a concern to balance this. 36. This recommendation will inevitably afford the children some significant losses in respect to their relationship with their father and it is for this reason that I recommend indirect communication continues. I would also encourage Cala and Daib’s mother to consider how they might be supported to maintain some of their existing relationships with their wider paternal family if this were to be able to be facilitated safely. I also recommend that if the Court were to agree to end the direct arrangements between Cala and Daib and their father, the children will benefit from their mother supporting them to attend Islamic classes so as to promote this important part of their identity. Cala and Daib will need to be supported around the change in arrangements with their father which they are very likely to experience as confusing and unsettling. I can make a referral to the Local Authority requesting support of this nature, if [the mother] consents to this. 37. There has been a high number of applications made to the Court in respect to the children, and they have been subject to a great deal of involvement from professionals as a result. I am concerned that court applications may be being used to undermine the children’s mother and that Cala and Daib are being subjected to investigations which will further divide their loyalties and confuse them. Any further concerns about the children’s welfare can be referred to the Local Authority to investigate as per their child protection procedures. As a result, I would invite the Court to consider making a Section 91(14) Order to prevent further applications being made to the Court. 38. I would encourage [the mother] to access therapeutic support, either via her local domestic abuse service or via her GP, to help her to process her own emotions around her experiences of domestic abuse. [The father] may also benefit from accessing therapeutic support via his GP to process his feelings around his experiences of social injustice, racism and cultural oppression. If he is able to gain an insight into how his experiences have translated into beliefs and behaviours that impact on others in ways he may not recognise or intend, this could open up the possibility of engaging meaningfully in some work to address domestic abuse and coercive controlling behaviours. 39. I appreciate that this report and recommendations are going to be very difficult reading for [the father]. I am also concerned that this may escalate risk for Cala, Daib and their mother and so I will be sharing this report with the Local Authority. In light of previous findings, the Court may also wish to consider making a further Non-Molestation Order and Prohibited Steps Order to protect Cala and Daib and their mother from any escalating risk as a result of the outcome of the hearing.”
“(1) A person (A) commits an offence if— (a) A repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person (B) that is controlling or coercive, (b) at the time of the behaviour, A and B are personally connected, (c) the behaviour has a serious effect on B, and (d) A knows or ought to know that the behaviour will have a serious effect on B. … (4) A’s behaviour has a “serious effect” on B if— (a) it causes B to fear, on at least two occasions, that violence will be used against B, or (b) it causes B serious alarm or distress which has a substantial adverse effect on B’s usual day-to-day activities. (5) For the purposes of subsection (1)(d) A ‘ought to know’ that which a reasonable person in possession of the same information would know. … (8) In proceedings for an offence under this section it is a defence for A to show that— (a) in engaging in the behaviour in question, A believed that he or she was acting in B’s best interests, and (b) the behaviour was in all the circumstances reasonable. (9) A is to be taken to have shown the facts mentioned in subsection (8) if— (a) sufficient evidence of the facts is adduced to raise an issue with respect to them, and (b) the contrary is not proved beyond reasonable doubt. (10) The defence in subsection (8) is not available to A in relation to behaviour that causes B to fear that violence will be used against B. (11) A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable— (a) on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years, or a fine, or both; (b) on summary conviction, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 12 months, or a fine, or both.” (a) A repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person (B) that is controlling or coercive, (b) at the time of the behaviour, A and B are personally connected, (c) the behaviour has a serious effect on B, and (d) A knows or ought to know that the behaviour will have a serious effect on B. (a) it causes B to fear, on at least two occasions, that violence will be used against B, or (b) it causes B serious alarm or distress which has a substantial adverse effect on B’s usual day-to-day activities. (a) in engaging in the behaviour in question, A believed that he or she was acting in B’s best interests, and (b) the behaviour was in all the circumstances reasonable. (a) sufficient evidence of the facts is adduced to raise an issue with respect to them, and (b) the contrary is not proved beyond reasonable doubt. (a) on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years, or a fine, or both; (b) on summary conviction, to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 12 months, or a fine, or both.”
“(1) This section defines ‘domestic abuse’ for the purposes of this Act. (2) Behaviour of a person (‘A’) towards another person (‘B’) is ‘domestic abuse’ if— (a) A and B are each aged 16 or over and are personally connected to each other, and (b) the behaviour is abusive. (3) Behaviour is ‘abusive’ if it consists of any of the following— (a) physical or sexual abuse; (b) violent or threatening behaviour; (c) controlling or coercive behaviour; (d) economic abuse (see subsection (4)); (e) psychological, emotional or other abuse; and it does not matter whether the behaviour consists of a single incident or a course of conduct. (4) ‘Economic abuse’ means any behaviour that has a substantial adverse effect on B’s ability to— (a) acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or (b) obtain goods or services.” (5) For the purposes of this Act A’s behaviour may be behaviour ‘towards’ B despite the fact that it consists of conduct directed at another person (for example, B’s child). (6) References in this Act to being abusive towards another person are to be read in accordance with this section.” (a) A and B are each aged 16 or over and are personally connected to each other, and (b) the behaviour is abusive. (a) physical or sexual abuse; (b) violent or threatening behaviour; (c) controlling or coercive behaviour; (d) economic abuse (see subsection (4)); (e) psychological, emotional or other abuse; (a) acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or (b) obtain goods or services.”
“‘coercive behaviour’ means an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten the victim; ‘controlling behaviour’ means an act or pattern of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour; … ‘harm’ means ill-treatment or the impairment of health or development including, for example, impairment suffered from seeing or hearing the ill-treatment of another, by domestic abuse or otherwise; ‘health’ means physical or mental health; ‘ill-treatment’ includes sexual abuse and forms of ill-treatment which are not physical…”
“Domestic abuse is harmful to children, and/or puts children at risk of harm, including where they are victims of domestic abuse for example by witnessing one of their parents being violent or abusive to the other parent, or living in a home in which domestic abuse is perpetrated (even if the child is too young to be conscious of the behaviour). Children may suffer direct physical, psychological and/or emotional harm from living with and being victims of domestic abuse, and may also suffer harm indirectly where the domestic abuse impairs the parenting capacity of either or both of their parents.”
“29. …central to the modern definitions of domestic abuse is the concept of coercive and/or controlling behaviour. Shortly before the hearing of these appeals, Hayden J handed down judgment in F v M[2021] EWFC 4 ... It is helpful to set out one of the central paragraphs from Hayden J’s judgment here: ‘4. In November 2017, M [the mother] applied for and was granted a non-molestation order against F [the father]. That order has been renewed and remains effective. The nature of the allegations included in support of the application can succinctly and accurately be summarised as involving complaints of “coercive and controlling behaviour” on F’s part. In the Family Court, that expression is given no legal definition. In my judgement, it requires none. The term is unambiguous and needs no embellishment. Understanding the scope and ambit of the behaviour however, requires a recognition that “coercion” will usually involve a pattern of acts encompassing, for example, assault, intimidation, humiliation and threats. “Controlling behaviour” really involves a range of acts designed to render an individual subordinate and to corrode their sense of personal autonomy. Key to both behaviours is an appreciation of a “pattern” or “a series of acts”, the impact of which must be assessed cumulatively and rarely in isolation. There has been very little reported case law in the Family Court considering coercive and controlling behaviour. I have taken the opportunity below, to highlight the insidious reach of this facet of domestic abuse. My strong impression, having heard the disturbing evidence in this case, is that it requires greater awareness and, I strongly suspect, more focused training for the relevant professionals.’ 30. Whilst the facts found in F v M may be towards the higher end of the spectrum of coercive or controlling behaviour, their essential character is not, and will be all too familiar to those who have been the victim of this form of domestic abuse, albeit to a lesser degree or for a shorter time. The judgment of Hayden J in F v M (which should be essential reading for the Family judiciary) is of value both because of the illustration that its facts provide of what is meant by coercive and controlling behaviour, but also because of the valuable exercise that the judge has undertaken in highlighting at paragraph 60 the statutory guidance published by the Home Office pursuant toSection 77 (1) of the Serious Crime Act 2015 which identified paradigm behaviours of controlling and coercive behaviour. That guidance is relevant to the evaluation of evidence in the Family Court. 31. The circumstances encompassed by the definition of ‘domestic abuse’ inPD12J fully recognise that coercive and/or controlling behaviour by one party may cause serious emotional and psychological harm to the other members of the family unit, whether or not there has been any actual episode of violence or sexual abuse. In short, a pattern of coercive and/or controlling behaviour can be as abusive as or more abusive than any particular factual incident that might be written down and included in a schedule in court proceedings... It follows that the harm to a child in an abusive household is not limited to cases of actual violence to the child or to the parent. A pattern of abusive behaviour is as relevant to the child as to the adult victim. The child can be harmed in any one or a combination of ways for example where the abusive behaviour: i) Is directed against, or witnessed by, the child; ii) Causes the victim of the abuse to be so frightened of provoking an outburst or reaction from the perpetrator that she/he is unable to give priority to the needs of her/his child; iii) Creates an atmosphere of fear and anxiety in the home which is inimical to the welfare of the child; iv) Risks inculcating, particularly in boys, a set of values which involve treating women as being inferior to men. 32. It is equally important to be clear that not all directive, assertive, stubborn or selfish behaviour, will be ‘abuse’ in the context of proceedings concerning the welfare of a child; much will turn on the intention of the perpetrator of the alleged abuse and on the harmful impact of the behaviour. We would endorse the approach taken by Peter Jackson LJ in Re L (Relocation: Second Appeal)[2017] EWCA Civ 2121 [2018] 4 WLR 141 at para [61]: ‘Few relationships lack instances of bad behaviour on the part of one or both parties at some time and it is a rare family case that does not contain complaints by one party against the other, and often complaints are made by both. Yet not all such behaviour will amount to “domestic abuse”, where “coercive behaviour” is defined as behaviour that is “used to harm, punish, or frighten the victim…” and “controlling behaviour” as behaviour “designed to make a person subordinate…”
“62 In In re R (Children) (Care Proceedings: Fact-finding Hearing)[2018] EWCA Civ 198 ,[2018] 1 WLR 1821 , this court (Gloster, McFarlane and Hickinbottom LJJ, Gloster LJ dissenting), having considered this issue, held that, as a matter of principle, it was fundamentally wrong for the Family Court to be drawn into an analysis of factual evidence in proceedings relating to the welfare of children based upon criminal law principles and concepts. At para 62, McFarlane LJ said: ‘The focus and purpose of a fact-finding investigation in the context of a case concerning the future welfare of children in the Family Court are wholly different to those applicable to the prosecution by the state of an individual before a criminal court. The latter is concerned with the culpability and, if guilty, punishment for a specific criminal offence, whereas the former involves the determination facts, across a wide canvas, relating to past events in order to evaluate which of a range of options for the future care of a child best meets the requirements of his or her welfare. Similarly, where facts fall to be determined in the course of ordinary civil litigation, the purpose of the exercise, which is to establish liability, operates in a wholly different context to a fact-finding process in family proceedings. Reduced to simple basics, in both criminal and civil proceedings the ultimate outcome of the litigation will be binary, either “guilty” or “not guilty”, or “liable” or “not liable”
“23. [The father] does not deny [the 2017 and pre-2017] violence, however his reflections on this were fairly superficial and his learning from the domestic abuse perpetrator programme (DAPP) centred largely around emotional regulation and safe relationship choices. Research around domestic abuse has found that most of those that perpetrate violence and abuse, do so as a result of a personal value base that subjugates women and there was a notable absence of reflection from [the father] around how his values and experiences may have shaped past behaviour. Indeed, he minimised this behaviour as being as a result of a period of stress and grief at the time. This raises concern about how far [the father] may be able to address his abusive behaviour. It also raises some concern about whether he may have used learning from the DAPP programme as a means to secure time with the children, rather than to reflect in depth on his behaviours.”
“During Assessment [The father] engaged well in his assessment and recognised the benefit of programme work to assist him in maintaining being a non-abusive man. [The father] was able to recognise the strategies he uses now to be a rational man and hopes the programme will expand on this for him. [The father] explained that he wanted to gain more awareness of how to appropriately deal with reactions and confrontations. Midway [The father] had excellent attendance, engaged fully in sessions and was often reflective of his own behaviours. [The father] showed he had accepted responsibility for his abusive behaviour and demonstrated remorse, empathy and an internal motivation to change. [The father] identified key factors that he felt he needed to improve on such as Communication and listening skills. [The father] has now completed the DVVP programme. From the midway point [the father] has attended all the sessions. He shows a clear understanding of Triggers and Signals. He explained that he dealt with an incident in a different way by ensuring that his voice, posture and actions were not threatening. ‘I can see how the course has started to change the way I think about myself and how others may see me.’ Throughout the last few weeks [the father] has continued to show remorse, empathy and reflection. ‘At the time I didn’t care how she was feeling, but now I understand how it must have affected her.’ [The father] realises what his faults were in the relationship and understands that in order to better himself as a person he needs to be able to reflect and challenge these behaviours. ‘I didn’t give her enough support, I didn’t listen or understand her anger or choices.’ [The father] has also shown improvement in his communication and listening skills, stating ‘I understand how my thoughts, feelings and behaviour, effect decisions in every aspect of my life. I know that I need to listen to the choices of other people to ensure compromise.’ [The father] has recognised that although when he started the course he had accepted responsibility of his actions, it’s only by completing the programme that he fully understands them, not just within relationships but with his children as well. ‘I have learned that my abuse came from my own thoughts and feelings and how I reacted to them. I need to tell the children that it wasn’t their fault.’ [The father] has continued to show a high level of engagement to the programme actively participating during group discussions, supporting others and opening up discussions relevant to the subject. Owing to COVID 19 restrictions, to his credit, [the father] adapted to the changes from group work, to virtual sessions and ultimately 1 to 1 work, showing a keenness throughout. Final summary [The father] appears to have made further positive changes. He has shown an understanding and acceptance of his abusive behaviours and how they have impacted of his ex-partner and children. If [the father] continues to use the tools taught on the Domestic Violence Prevention programme such as triggers and signals and time-out techniques, alongside his own research into the effects of abuse his risk of further abuse may substantially reduce. [The father’s] ability to self-reflect and aim to better himself as a person will help him to progress further to manage future situations in relationships and as a parent. [The father] has also shown commitment to the programme and productive use of time, demonstrating a high level of motivation to change which if he carries on this way may also contribute to a reduction in further risk of abuse.”
“47. Past consideration must be given to the historical domestic abuse. However, [the father] has completed a DAPP and the final report is positive. In speaking with him I found he remains remorseful about the abuse and what this said about his parenting capacity at the time. However, an aspect where he may require some further support relates to his understanding of how his communication can be perceived and felt by the victim of his past abuse.”
“How would you describe your previous relationship with the children’s mother and the reasons for separation? At times it was really good and at times it wasn’t. For the first few years it was good. We had known each other from childhood and got together later on in life — relationship became toxic and abusive. Ended it after the incident with Cala. The behaviours of both individuals made it toxic and abusive. Toxic on both sides and I did become abusive and I’ve admitted that. When Cala was ill, we were both sleep deprived. We both were abusive towards each other — verbally abusive, emotionally abusive and physically abusive. Because of what we were going through at that time, emotional turmoil, I wasn’t behaving in the best of ways. Was impacted by growing up in a racist environment, or certainly for a little while. I never behaved like that before and not after. I lost my brother 9 months before I got with my children’s mother — going through a lot of change. People are in abusive relationships tend to be across their whole life and I haven’t been before or since. What are your reflections on this relationship? Are there things you would do differently? What did you learn from the DAPP programme? I learnt a lot about myself in terms of triggers and signals. To recognise that if I was getting to know someone and things weren’t right then I wouldn’t pursue it. I learnt about emotional control, taking time out etc. I would be more understanding of the impact certain things had on the mother, in terms of her own life and the impact it has on her emotional state. Be more understanding and be more caring and patient and be more supporting.”
“11. The Applicant has made ongoing allegations about my parenting to Social Services and the Police which is having a great impact on my mental health. He alleges that I am exposing the children to inappropriate material and denying them access to the Applicant’s religion. I have never shown any inappropriate videos to the children nor have I prevented the children from attending the Mosque. I have given my permission for the children to attend with the Applicant. However, as raised in the report, the Applicant has failed to take the children to the Mosque during his contact.”
“27. During direct work, I asked Cala about whether she had seen a ‘not very nice video.’ She told me she had watched a video which she thought was of a Muslim man stabbing a baby. Cala said she had watched this with her mother and brother, when she was about five years of age. When asked if this had definitely happened, Cala told me ‘I’m not sure, but I think it did.’ If Cala and Daib were shown such a video, it will have been hugely traumatic and frightening for them. However, Cala’s account contained elements of doubt and when this was discussed with [the mother], her mother evidenced good insight into why this would be very inappropriate and what the impact would be on the children. [The mother’s] insight into the children’s needs and emotions was a real strength during her interview and as a result, it is difficult to imagine that she would expose the children to something so harmful. It is not uncommon for children who are being exposed to alienating behaviours by one parent to begin to make allegations about their experiences in the other parent’s care. This is a symptom of their confusion, feelings of divided loyalties and ultimately emotional harm. It is possible that this may be at play here though both possibilities should be held.”
“While [redacted] was working with Cala, she that disclosed that [redacted] had indeed showed her a video of men cutting babies. ‘[Redacted] was putting me and Daib to bed, we asked [redacted] why is daddy a muslim and you are a christian? [Redacted] showed us a video man cutting a baby.’ [Redacted] asked ‘How do you feel about that?’ ‘I didn’t like it, [redacted] showed it to me just before bed and it scared me.’ [Redacted] reported that dad rewards the children with a point system for toys if they give Dad information about [redacted]. [Redacted] was heard at MARAC for the level of concern regarding dad’s behaviour, he has said ‘I would rather the children die than live with you.’ [Redacted] will make a referral to social care.” [Redacted] will make a referral to social care.”
“24. It is apparent from speaking with both parents, that a dynamic exists whereby [the father] feels unhappy about how [the mother] has approached a particular situation for the children and [the father] raises this with her. [The mother] experiences this as aggressive and interrogating in manner and therefore does not respond as [the father] would like. When discussing this dynamic, [the father] was very focused on the behaviour of [the mother], rather than reflecting upon what he might do differently to create more positive communication. His responses appeared focused on telling [the mother] what she was doing wrong, and then seeking support from Children’s Services if, in his view, she did not listen, rather than hearing from [the mother] about why she had approached a situation in a particular way, reflecting upon this, and seeking to come together in a more aligned way. [The mother] reports a high level of communication of this nature from [the father], which she experiences as harassment. 25. [The mother] reports that [the father’s] manner is aggressive and interrogatory, and this perspective resonated with my own interactions with [the father]. [The father] spoke quickly and animatedly during his interview and was visibly angry in his manner at times. Since then, [the father] has sent me a high level of emails, asking interrogative questions about my enquiries and whether I have completed tasks he believes are pertinent to my assessment. He has made comments about what he hopes and expects to have been included in the report. He has made a Subject Access Request as he wishes to compare the questions asked of him, to those asked of the children’s mother, as he suspects racial bias. Cala and Daib’s school and the [relevant London Borough] also report a high level of email correspondence from [the father], Subject Access Requests and a similar dynamic in his interactions. These observations of the way in which [the father] relates to others, adds weight to [the mother’s] allegations of harassment and intimidating behaviour.”
“9. The family is known to [a London borough’s] Children’s Social Care. In May 2022 a referral was received from [the father] stating that Cala and Daib had disclosed being assaulted by their older sister and that Daib had a significant scratch. He also reported his concerns about the children being exposed to domestic abuse perpetrated by their brother. He sought advice because he was reluctant to return the children to their mother until this matter had been investigated and was advised to contact the police. 10. The family is known to [another London borough’s] Children’s Social Care. Since proceedings ended in February 2022, there have been four referrals. In February 2022 Cafcass made a referral via the Court. [The mother] refused Early Help intervention and no further action was taken. In April 2022 [the mother] did however seek support around domestic abuse which she reports was in respect to her ongoing co-parenting relationship with [the father]. In June 2022 a referral was received via police after [the father] reported Daib being assaulted by his older sister. Police made a welfare visit. The family said the injury was caused accidentally during a playfight and the children corroborated this account. A child and family assessment was completed in September 2022 which concluded the children were safe and their needs were being met despite the counter allegations made by both parents. In January 2023 a referral was received from police following a verbal dispute between the parents about child contact. A safety plan was in place and no further action taken. 11. There is no new Police information for either [the father] or [the mother] since the last proceedings ended.”
“The allegation about the children being assaulted by their sister has been investigated by Police and Children’s Services and the children’s elder brother has now moved out of the family home. As a result, I do not consider that there is sufficiently robust evidence to suggest that the children are at risk of harm in their mother’s care.”
“When asked what his father liked, Daib said ‘buying us teddies, giving us points to buy teddies when we do good listening’ and when asked what he hated, he said ‘hurting people and he never tells my sister off.’ Daib felt the best things about his father was he ‘buys us toys when we have points’ and the worst things is ‘him shouting at me.’ Daib said he wished his father would ‘be good to me’ and clarified that this meant ‘not shouting.’ When asked what he wanted to happen, Daib said he wanted to see his father for ten minutes once a week on a Thursday. Daib was unable to articulate why this was. He was clear that he did not wish to go to his father’s home or see him at the weekends.”