“I accept that both parents have fears that the other may remove H from the UK. I will therefore leave in place a prohibited steps order which is already in place so neither of them can remove H from the UK without the written consent of the other or an order of the court.”
“From the evidence presented to me, which is all history, I see no evidence of emotional instability. Clearly the whole court case has been a very stressful process for you and quite traumatic. I certainly think you need some help around this and I have suggested a referral to [name of Psychology Group].”
“The mother has not reported any form of anxiety or depressive symptoms following a detailed private psychiatric report by Dr C in December 2019. She has not received any antidepressant medications from us according to her available medical notes.”
“The mother is likely to be within the non-clinical range for depression and her anxiety is at a minimal (non-clinical) level. The mother was quite clear she did not think she needed therapy at this time. Based on the content of her discussion, I did agree with her. Her presentation did not warrant further psychological intervention at this time.”
“When I examined the mother there was not evidence of any major mental illness and she has not been treated for any mental illness [he writes]. I confirm I have not seen any documentation from this case.”
“I can see no consultations that indicate a diagnosis of a mental health disorder. She, the mother, additionally reports to me that she has never suffered from any mental health disorder symptoms, nor has she received treatment for any mental health disorders.”
“H has made comments to teachers such as she was at her mum’s house this morning and daddy wants full custody, he wants me to live with him but I don’t want to.”
“[H] said her dad told her to tell me he wants her to spend holidays with her mum and school days with her dad. [H] said her dad will ask her what she said to me when I visited her at school and he will tell her to tell the truth. This makes her worried. She said when she goes home her dad will keep asking her what she told me and tell her to tell the truth. [H] said she is scared dad will get mad if she says she wants 50-50 time with her mum and dad. [H] said she heard when I was talking to her dad on the phone one day when her dad got mad at her saying she wanted 50-50. [H] says she does not know what she wants because both parents are telling her what they want so she wants me, the social worker, to make a decision.”
“11.5.2023. The local authority received a referral from the school stated below. We have been advised by the duty social worker to mark as protection. [F] spoke to the head teacher regarding sleeping arrangements for [H] when she is staying with her mother. [F] reported that [H] has disclosed to her auntie at dad’s house she was sleeping in the same bed as mother’s new partner/husband. We are not clear if they have recently married. DB and class teacher explored with [H]. [H] reported, [H]: mummy bought a new house for her partner who came to live in UK from Pakistan. [H]: mummy’s new partner looks at her bank account and was asking her for money to be sent to his sister in Pakistan. [H]: mummy sometimes cries and this makes me sad and angry. DB: who do you feel sad and angry with? Mum’s new partner, says [H], because he makes mummy sad and cry. [H] goes on to say further things, he fights with mummy, I hear them shouting, he says ‘shh’ but I hear mummy crying. Do you have your own bedroom, she is asked by DB. No, I sleep in bed with mummy and her new partner sleeps on the floor next to us.”
“[H] is recorded as saying, ‘Can we talk?’ and I advised her I was ready to listen. In a quiet voice she said, ‘You know my mum has a husband. They fight.’ I asked her what happens when they fight and she said, ‘Shouting and then be quiet, he says be quiet.’ [H] confirmed that her mother’s husband, [J], tells her mother to be quiet and that’s how their fight ends. This takes place at his, Mr [J]’s, house and the fighting makes [H][ feel scared.”
“I found [H]’s language – account authentic and was given in language expected of a child her age. There were no indications on this occasion that her views were not based on her experience and I do not consider that what she said was influenced by an adult.”
“Ms [M] alleges that [F] is coaching [H] to say negative things about her and her marriage to professionals. However, I found [H]’s account authentic and given in language expected of a child of her age. There was no indications on this occasion her views were not based on her experience and I do not consider that what she said was influenced by an adult.”
“She presents as a child who is torn between each of her parents to the guardian at this time. She told me she feels happy at both her parents’ houses. She was asked about the important people to her and she said, ‘My mum and my dad and my cousins.’ We completed work sheets together, one of each about her mother and father and [H] was careful to give equal and equivalent answers about each. When I asked [H] for her wishes and feelings about what time she wanted to spend with her mother and father, she presented as conflicted and confused. She said to me, ‘The same.’ I asked what she meant, keeping them like they are now or something else and she replied, ‘The same like three days, three days with each parent.’ Immediately afterwards she said, ‘Actually, no’, and then after a pause while she continued colouring in she says, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ I was concerned from this session that she presents as very conflicted and torn in her loyalties between her mother and her father. I note also in this report [H] uses her three wishes to ask for a private jet, a Lamborghini and a big house which struck me as a slightly unusual set of wishes for an 8-year-old girl and may well have been influenced by parental values in some way.”
“My dad made me tell my teacher I am not happy sharing a room with my mum and Mr J.”
“My dad told me to talk about my mum to the school.”
“You don’t like your dad talking about your mother and you said yes, it makes you feel sad and I asked whether your mother or her husband talk against your dad and you answer ‘not one bit.’”
“He comes to me even when I try to be alone and asks me, ‘What did they tell you to tell the social worker or what did they say to you?’”
“[H] on this occasion, [she said] I was aware that she is balancing between the two parents. She is withholding things, she is managing. [H] does not want mum to know what dad did. Dad is interested in anything going on in the other home. I did not see coaching. She did the magic wand exercise and she was so innocent. She said, ‘I wanted [J] to start driving and I want uncle to lose weight.’ She is just a normal child. There are no signs of coaching. She is protecting her two parents, she is protecting the two.”
“She was guarded [he said] about what home life was like. She would tell me about the fun things, she would tell me about the fun things with her mum and dad.”
“H presents as most open about her wishes and feelings when seen at school. I have reminded her of my role and how there is still a question about her living and spending time arrangements, whether they will stay the same or change. H told me, ‘I want it to be equal because I can’t live without my mum or my dad. I think it should be 50-50 like mummy said.’”
“Mummy told me to say if I wanted 50-50 they would have to listen to me.”
“I really don’t know what’s gone on. I do have unanswered questions and worries about the allegation that [H] made at that stage. She has a good relationship with teachers at school and had not raised any worries about her dad. These allegations came during a time when she had spent time with her mum and neither of the social workers offer a view in writing about whether those allegations were substantiated.”
“I am concerned at the prospect of [H] having extracurricular activities set up in parallel by her parents. If this persists she will never be fully part of a class in either area. Her leisure activities ought not to become symbolic of the conflict between her parents. The school raised concern in summer 2023 that the mother did not take her to a birthday party because of the distance involved.”
“I got a sense of an emotional bond with your mummy. You are able to talk more freely and your tones are light and excited when engaging with mummy. With your father there is an element he has a more authoritative stance and this is reciprocated by you being more reserved.”
“I agree with the recommendation of the guardian and the social worker that she will remain at significant risk of emotional and psychological harm if she remains in the care of her mother and is unlikely to maintain a relationship with her father. Although the mother now says she would encourage contact with the father, she has been given numerous opportunities over the last four years to show she can support contact and has failed to do so. She has continued to make allegations against the father, none of which have been substantiated and I agree that once these proceedings are over, in the absence of any treatment as recommended by Dr C she will be likely to do so again. It has been clear to me that she continues to feel that the father is a threat to [H] and she has misinterpreted events against him. I accept the mother loves [H] and I also accept this decision is likely to cause the mother and [H] considerable distress in the short term but this is outweighed by the long term damage which would be caused to [H] if she remained in her mother’s care.”
“There has been no meaningful change in Ms [M]’s attitude or beliefs since the 2020 judgment. She concedes that the alleged sexual abuse, physical chastisement and neglect did not happen but did not agree her actions or behaviours caused [H] emotional harm. She attributes any harm suffered by [H] to [F] and regards the change of [H]’s residence to his care as unjustified. She does not accept the findings of fact and persists in her belief that [F] is an unsafe person and parent and she reports that she is afraid of him. Ms [M]’s lack of acceptance of previous concerns means there is a risk she will make further attempts to reduce or marginalise [F]’s role in H’s life if she spends increased time with [H]. She is unable to offer any positive feedback about his parenting and I lack confidence about her ability to make an order for shared care work effectively from this position. It would cause [H] harm if her relationship with her father is undermined or interrupted and, in my assessment, [H] is likely to suffer such harm if she spends increased time with her mother.”
“I am the only one who feeds [H] varied and proper food.”
“He seems to be controlling every aspect of her life. There is simply no escape or respite from her father.”
“I cannot say if it’s true or not. I’m not seeking a finding. I accept that he’s a good father.”
“At the end of the hearing I ordered there should be a child contact intervention. At that point [F] became very loud and upset and stormed out of court, so I could not deal with the enforcement application. However, I should say I did understand his frustration given that he has not been able to see his daughter unsupervised for more than six months after he has issued his application and when no allegations have been proven against him.”
“Please don’t tell me what to do. I can look after her better than you. She is my life and priority. I have a Zoom meeting.”
“Father displays harsh and aggressive behaviour towards professionals in your presence and you reported that your father shouts at home.”
“Your father undermined my professional capability. He says, ‘I’m sure you cannot stand in court and look straight into the judge’s eyes,’ he says, ‘I dare you to come to court and to face the judge.’ The father was swearing and using abusive language. He said, ‘Do you have a brain? You’re vomiting nonsense. Your brain is like a 7-year-old.’ Your father was not mindful that you can hear his loud voice from the bedroom because she told him earlier, ‘I can hear you anyway, you talk loudly.’”
“According to you my dad’s voice is very loud and he swears a lot.”
“At one point [F] on18th July 2022 became very angry and aggressive during a consultation towards myself shouting loudly and aggressively in front of H. She was very quiet during consultation.”
“I have not experienced him as aggressive. I can find him anxious to explain himself, anxious to be understood. He can raise his voice and he can speak in a forthright and passionate way but I have never found him to be aggressive or to shout.”
“She says she was looking forward to returning to her father’s house and when asked whether she missed her father, she said yes but when we talk about your home you share you do not like your father’s house because he swears at you and shouts too loudly and you related your experience the last time I visited your father’s home and you described how scared you were knowing your father may shout at me. When I asked you whether you heard your father’s voice on my visit you said, ‘Yes, I heard him telling you that you don’t have a brain and he asked you whether you can allow your daughter to sleep in bed with a stranger.’”
“If he were to speak like this to you [he is addressing himself to H] when you were in the vicinity it would be scary for you and you did say to me that daddy was very rude to your previous social worker.”
“[F] is very passionate in the way he talks. He is wordy, he acts out his passion. It is not his aggression but he will repeat about how he has been let down and how mum has been doing this and mum has been doing that and she, H, may have heard things like that.”
“H sometimes reports that her father is angry and that he raises his voice. She describes her father as being angry and shouting.”
“Their communication works well enough but it doesn’t work in terms of negotiating things. It’s not worked to resolve the issue of worms or the swimming issue. They can talk to each other but I’m not sure how well they listen to each other. They don’t reach compromise very often. H does not speak to the other parent when she is not with them and that’s how things have always been. She didn’t seem concerned about it but there’s not a free line of communication in either house. A shared care order in which their positions were on a more equal footing could lead to an even more conflicted relationship and they both need to make decisions and their inability to compromise will be accentuated. It will be exposing to more disputes.”
“It is not ideal at all. It is always really sad when a child’s activities away from home are shadowed by adult conflict. Things being as they are, it may make more sense to find swimming lessons on a different day. I worry if she goes to a weekly class fortnightly. That is representative of her split life.”
“The mother has a genuine concern that the father plans to relocate abroad due to his work commitments and the fact he has threatened in the past he would take [H] to Pakistan to live with his mother but the concern, however, is as far as it goes. The father is flying out all the time and the child is looked after by auntie and uncle. The father could possibly move to Pakistan, India and not return. His company is international. There needs to be some protection in place where he will not remove the child for more than two weeks at a time.”
“I am unable to recommend that she travels overseas with []H] [referring to the mother]. In my assessment there is a risk she could retain [H] overseas.”
“It is not about the mother’s overseas connection and retention, it is because she does not see that she has done wrong in the past. I don’t have confidence that if she had the opportunity to keep [H] in her care and it’s a little bit speculative and it is untested and I would want to see and hear some acknowledgement about her role and what has gone wrong in the past, it’s about mitigating risk. I am concerned that mother may seek advice or support in another country if she finds professionals who hear her out. Maybe it’s a bit of a leap she would do that on holiday but it’s about placing barriers in the way of [H] coming back to her father’s care.”
“I didn’t get a sense that anyone was thinking of taking [H] from each other, no sense anyone was about to whisk off to another jurisdiction.”