“38. These authorities make clear that domestic abuse takes many forms and may cover behaviour that looked at in isolation might not be abusive, but when taken as part of the broader picture is relevant to the child’s welfare. International stranding or abandonment is regarded as much more serious for a child than abandonment in a domestic context since the separation of the child from its parent or home will be less easily remedied, and the stranded parent is left more vulnerable, with significantly less legal protection (and also more exposed financially and culturally). The abandoning parent can exploit his stronger immigration status to assert control over the child and the other parent, even after the relationship has ended. For all these reasons it is treated as abusive within a relationship, and also as a way to end a relationship between parents.”
“54. There were 41 separate allegations, grouped under 12 main headings, and 7 different types (including stranding, physical abuse and threats of violence, sexual abuse, controlling and coercive behaviour, psychological and emotional abuse, financial abuse and abuse of S). 55. I have taken account of the law set out above, and as set out in the mother’s position statement. Here the mother alleged patterns of coercive and controlling behaviour together with specific allegations of serious violence and sexual abuse. The matter was listed without a pre-trial review to achieve a prompt listing for fact-finding. Neither side asked for fine-tuning of the issues by way of further case management. Instead, counsel carefully used the time available to address the issues raised, which were all serious. I have carefully looked at the matter alleged as a whole, and as part of patterns of behaviour, as well as the specific allegations made. The specific allegations made are set out in the schedule attached and addressed there, with further reasons provided in this judgment. I will not repeat the allegations within the body of the judgment.”
“56. I take into account that the mother gave evidence through an interpreter, and was distressed at certain stages both when giving and listening to evidence (and then took breaks). While she was naïve in some respects, she was mainly articulate, expressing strong views without hesitation, and somewhat argumentative. She would often be unwilling to give a straightforward answer, instead providing a lengthy answer that justified her broader position. 57. Overall, I considered that her demeanour in court was of limited weight going either way. It was, however, significant that many aspects of her evidence on very serious allegations were unsupported by contemporaneous evidence, or were inconsistent, or the content of her evidence was selective. For instance she had no good explanation as to why the string of messages she exhibited excluded a message that was unfavourable and inconsistent with her case. 58. The mother’s primary closing submission in relation to the factual dispute on abuse was “why would the mother lie about the abuse to which she was subject” and it was submitted that the father’s evidence failed to establish a plausible and believable motivation for why the mother had made up detailed allegations. However, the burden lies on her to prove her case rather than for the father to find an alternative explanation or motivation for her to have made the allegations up. There was a plausible explanation and logical motive for the mother falsely maintaining that she had been treated abusively. By the time her application was issued she knew that the father was unlikely to support her return to the UK to live with S. A strong account of abuse would justify an application for S to be made a ward of court and for orders to be made that would significantly improve her chances of returning to see her son, achieving independent immigration status and being given primary care over S. 59. While her account was detailed, the details of abuse she provided were not supported by contemporaneous evidence. The level of detail she provided about what she alleged was said and done 2 years ago (including verbatim accounts of what was said) without any contemporaneous record was somewhat implausible. A few details were said to be supported by other evidence (such as a photo of bleeding gums, a picture of a fence and a reference to a lock on a shed) but such evidence was generally equally consistent with a more likely innocent explanation. 60. Beyond the allegations that she sought findings of fact upon she also made serious allegations that the father’s mother had assaulted her and S. In her evidence she also made wide ranging and serious allegations that the father was taking and dealing in drugs. 61. Her case on stranding was supported by the contemporaneous evidence and the key element of her being deliberately left without support to return as a spouse, rather than the factual details given in her statement and oral evidence. She was genuinely hurt and angry about how she had been treated, particularly in the father disengaging from the marriage, and her being left separated from S. However, taking the evidence as a whole, the majority of her numerous, very serious allegations of physical and sexual abuse were exaggerated and lacked credibility. She showed a marked willingness to criticise the father’s conduct even when there was little basis for it. She deliberately made serious allegations that I find are false, but this was probably done in response to how angry and desperate she was in Pakistan rather than as a calculated plan. The allegations (even including the matters which were accepted) did not provide a basis for making findings that she was a victim of a pattern of abusive behaviour or the serious physical assaults and sexual abuse alleged.”
“63. The father’s written evidence tended to exaggerate the positive sides of the relationship. It appeared unlikely that the mother was treated like a princess in her first weeks of marriage, or that she was as spoilt as he suggested. More generally, the father’s oral evidence was fair and realistic. On most aspects his answers were straightforward. In relation to what took place in England I considered that the father’s evidence was more reliable than that of the mother. His evidence was realistic on her role in the household and explaining that she had been treated like the other women, including cooking together. 64. He acknowledged that the marriage was going through a rough patch by the time the parents went to Pakistan, and he was not wanting to eat the food she cooked and they had separate rooms. As explained below, he was troubled by some of the mother’s behaviour after she arrived in the UK when she chanted words over his food on a few occasions. While his objections were vague and he appears to have given undue importance to this behaviour as a reason for the relationship breakdown, his evidence explaining that he considered that this behaviour was weird appeared genuine, and the existence of these views during the relationship was consistent with the mother’s own evidence and contemporaneous letters and text messages. 65. His account of how the relationship came to an end and what he was doing to resolve the mother’s passport issues was more evasive and did not reflect the reality of the situation.”
“69. However, the father’s evidence as to his decision-making in bringing the marriage to an end, supporting the mother’s return to the UK and facilitating contact with S following his return home was unsatisfactory. His own actions were more consistent with him having lost interest in the marriage by degrees, ultimately being willing deliberately to leave the mother in Pakistan and eventually making a formal decision to sever his ties once he had left Pakistan and knew she would need his support to return. On his own evidence there were problems in the marriage from at least the time that S was born. I accept that he was genuinely troubled by the mother chanting what she called prayers over his food on several occasions prior to S’s birth, and that he no longer wanted her to cook for him, or indeed to eat with her.”
“72. He left Pakistan on17 September 2021 . On his own case, he had been told on around19 September 2021 that the mother’s documents had been lost. Even assuming that he was told that they were lost (his account) it would have been obvious that these were essential to enable her to return and she would need his support in more ways than him telling her to report the loss to the police in Pakistan, and providing his ID and cash for this purpose. The messages made better sense when considered alongside the mother’s case that the father had kept the passport and ID card, and told her she needed to report them as lost at the police station, and get new papers. There are repeated references in the messages to the mother asking the father directly where her passport is, and why had he taken it from her, and how her own father was still asking where her real passport was. The father knew these documents were important and would take time and money to replace. If he had thought she had lost them then it was strange how he raised no question (at the time or subsequently) as to where and how she had lost them, and what she had done to see if they could be retrieved. I accept, on the balance of probabilities, that he kept her passport and ID card from her when they arrived in Pakistan. 73. Whether the passport were kept by the father or lost, he acted deliberately in a way to strand her in Pakistan and exploit her vulnerability (mainly on immigration status but also her financial dependence) so as to ensure that she was not able to return to the UK. The father chose not to facilitate her return on a UK spousal visa and refused to provide S’s birth certificate for the purpose of her seeking a visa. His explanation was that these were unnecessary and he thought she was plotting a case of being a stranded wife. His case was that he stopped communications on16 October 2021 because he believed that she was plotting a case of being a stranded spouse. This lacked credibility and made no sense with his case that he was providing the support she needed. In any event, it did not justify him then going on to strand her in Pakistan. 74. On his own account he offered to bring S to Pakistan knowing that he had no intention of bringing him. The father also relied on the fact that the mother had not told him that she had reported her passport missing on 22 September or had been issued with a new passport on6 October 2021 , and that by this stage she was also seeking assistance from a charity called Rights of Women. However, these matters did not justify his behaviour, and were consistent with the mother’s case that he had taken away her passport. 75. I am not satisfied that the father believed a renewed passport would contain a visa (and his evidence on this was unclear) since he knew the UK visa required an application to the UK authorities. However, even if he thought that the renewed passport would contain a UK spousal visa his conduct amounted to deliberate stranding because he chose to notify the UK Home Office on18 October 2021 that the relationship had ended, without telling the mother. His attempt to justify this on grounds that he was testing whether she was relying on the spousal visa made no sense and lacked credibility. By deliberately notifying the home office that the relationship had ended he knew that he was limiting reliance on any spousal visa. His communications and behaviour at the time suggested that he was deliberately choosing to leave her in Pakistan to fend for herself using whatever support her family could offer, with a small amount of cash from his side (around£250 on his own evidence). In his evidence and contemporaneous communications he talked of the mother using him to improve her immigration status. He was acutely aware of the weakness of her immigration status. He knew that by failing to provide assistance for a spousal visa and in notifying the home office that the relationship was over she would be left stranded in Pakistan. He would have known that his status as her spouse enabled him to exploit her weak immigration status and lack of financial independence, and that his actions (and omissions) would prevent her entering the UK to care for S. 76. The father failed to facilitate contact between the mother and S following his return home from hotel quarantine on around about29 September 2021 . It appeared that no indirect contact was set up and he failed to justify this.”
“77. In relation to physical abuse the mother made serious allegations covering a wide range of time (as set out in the schedule). These were not supported by contemporaneous evidence. For example, she said that the father banged her head against a wall such that her teeth were badly knocked and the tooth continues to wobble. However there was no evidence for what she claimed as a serious, permanent, injury other than a photo that was more consistent with ordinary gum disease. An allegation of a serious cigarette burn was similarly not evidenced beyond a photo she adduced of her arm that was equally consistent with an ordinary bruise.”
“82. The reason it was so important for the judge to give very careful consideration to the question of vulnerability in this case is because a vulnerable person may not act in the same way as someone more independent or confident if they are exploited or abused in a relationship. Such an individual may be so anxious for the relationship to succeed that they accept treatment that others would not. They may be easy to exploit. They may not even realise what is happening to them, and will cling to the dream of a happy family and relationship…”
“96. The mother accepted in evidence that she recited words over his food on a few occasions as a family member had said this would help her relationship. She also admitted this to the father in a letters she wrote to him in 2021. She knew that the father was unhappy about it and she had apologised about doing it, offering not to do it again. In evidence she said it was a prayer but her explanation in the letter did not attempt to suggest it was religious. I took the view that it was not a recognised prayer, nor was it witchcraft, black magic or voodoo. It was somewhat unusual and superstitious but not intended to be harmful. 97. As explained above, the father’s evidence reflected a genuine concern that the mother was doing something weird and crazy with his food, and it bothered him. It was one of the reasons why he fairly concluded that the marriage was going through a rough patch. While he appeared to place undue emphasis on this he had communicated the seriousness of his objections so the mother knew what was in issue, and she had acknowledged his concerns in a letter containing an apology. His position in calling her weird or crazy or calling it a “dirty mental thing” in this context was not abusive…”