“Most of what I am about to say started from an early age. But my awareness of how things were not right began when I was about 8. I remember when [‘FT’, the father of the middle four children] was living with us. Mum allowed him to grow weed in the garden. I was kicked out of my room as this was being used to dry the weed strung across my ceiling and rows of weed were left to dry. I slept with [‘B’, the second oldest child] during this time… when I returned to my bedroom…the smell lingered until we moved out... Once… I heard arguing from downstairs and went down. I remember Mum and [‘FT’] drinking. I know drugs were being used but I was so young I didn’t recognise anything. I saw [‘FT’] smash a glass into his own head /cheek and there was a lot of blood. Mum was panicking and [‘FT’] was shouting at Mum saying ‘you made me do this’. [‘FT’] left and when he returned 1-2 days later his face was bandaged. Mum told me not to tell anyone about this and was not concerned about the fact that I had seen it. …Once when my Mum was drunk [the second youngest child, ‘F’] fell down the stairs and cut his head badly. He still has the scars on his forehead. Mum and her Nan argued a lot about this and they had a physical fight. My Mum pushed Nan and I was present. When Nan fell into me my arm was burnt by a cigarette she was holding…. When…I was in Year 6, I remember Mum being drunk most of the time…we were left alone. Most of the time I stayed behind to look after the others. I remember Mum taking bottles of wine and vodka next to [the child ‘F’] in his buggy under the blanket…Mum went missing one night. She told me that we misbehaved and she couldn’t deal with us anymore…she left us and slept in an alley. …I have done all the washing, ironing and cooking. I think for as long as I can remember Mum has never cleaned any room. I clean her bedroom and see bottles of alcohol, white powder on flat surfaces such as [on the] iPad, picture frames, lots of ‘baggies’ and once I tidied up and found a pot of pee under [the father of the youngest child, ‘FF’s] side of the bed. I clear up vomit, they trash it, they stay in there sometimes for two days. It stinks so bad. When they leave the room, I clean it again and the cycle starts…there is often limited food in the house but I cook from scratch with whatever is in. Many times there has been not a lot of food so I have not eaten. I made sure all the children ate before me. Mum insisted that I make her and [‘FF’] food, although they rarely eat with is and they leave it until they are not drunk/high. It is very easy for me to see when Mum and [‘FF’] are high/drunk. Mum’s…pupils are so wide and she is agitated, biting nails, extreme arm movements and she gambles. This is when she’s high on cocaine. Alcohol has a similar effect on her. [‘FF’] when high, his eyes pop out – his eyes are dilated and he gets extremely sweaty. I have to get him a towel. I remember [‘FF’] and Mum having an argument. Mum called me down and told me [‘FF’] had bit her. She showed me a mark on her back and it did look like a bite mark…Mum and [FF] argued so often. [‘FF’] left. [‘FF’] returned. This carried on for years. It hurts that Mum and [‘FF’] never try to hide anything like this from any of the children. I try my best to keep the younger children away and I try to protect them. But [‘C’ and ‘D’] sleep downstairs so they see and hear it all. [‘C’] protects [‘D’], and me and [‘B’] protect the others. For at least 7 years Mum has got high the night before our birthdays. It was my job to get the presents, wrap the presents, do the birthday cake/decorations…last year, I forgot [‘D’s] birthday. Mum told me I was a bad sister and took away my TV and my phone. I was so exhausted, the previous night was it was my Yr10 mocks. She punished me for this for a long time and I never got my phone back. I had a [phone] and she threw it against the wall. None of us ever asked for anything good for our birthdays as we knew she spent all the money on drugs/drink…last year for my birthday she gave me£50 . I went to Asda on my own, bought a couple of books and some noodles and spent the day alone in my house. There were no celebrations, no cake, no friends…[Mum] had been in bed all day…it was a miserable day. Recently I heard mum and [‘FF’] arguing. I heard Mum saying ‘put the hammer down’. I went into their room and Mum told me to go away…an hour or so later Mum was pushing [‘FF’] down the stairs, kicking him out., She was screaming. She told me she was going to call the police to report that [‘FF’] had raped her…I am confused sometimes as when Mum is with [‘FF’] arguing she tells us awful things, they split up, they get back together and then I’m told to be polite and respectful to him. It’s tough…when I get home nobody is there. When I don’t have a phone, I have no idea where both [‘FF’] and Mum are. As soon as they return…they tend to rush upstairs to their room and I see nothing of them both for a day. If Mum wants something she either bangs on the floor or, if I have a phone, she texts me. The messages are so garbled as she is high. [‘FF’] and Mum ask for drink or food or a container for vomit. When they ‘come down’ I am like a runner, I am constantly getting them food, water, towels, plus looking after all the children. I have not been to school much lately as when they sleep for hours/days, nobody but me looks after [‘G’]. Once [‘B’] came home before me and had to climb through the window as Mum was so fast asleep she didn’t answer. [‘G’] was crying. Eventually when Mum woke up, she asked me if [‘G’] had eaten because she had slept all day and hadn’t fed her. This year…I have gone for 2-3 days without eating. I always tried to make sure my younger siblings ate…during lockdown I remember not wanting to be alone with my Mum. She was very vocal saying I was a c*nt and fat. She told me my hair was awful and was ugly…Mum uses the word c*nt a lot. She calls all of us this. If I get the wrong food for dinner, I’m a c*nt. If the room is a mess, I’m a c*nt. I worry because both of them use words such as c*nt or pr*ck and even calling me the ‘N’ word. Mum says she can call me that as she’s my mum. [‘FF’] is racist and calls me that just to provoke me. It upsets me as my youngers now think that this is OK. Once [‘FF’] mentioned that my friend is a ‘P’ word. I will never invite my friends over. Mum often threatens us with [‘FF’] as he hits us. [‘FF’] has beaten all of us apart from me and [‘B’]. It’s my Mum that beat me and [‘B’]…I can remember her really hurting my hand so much so that I couldn’t write the next day at school. It upsets me because a) you can’t treat people like that and b) its normally over nothing, perhaps an untidy room or the wrong food. Since Social Services got involved both Mum and [‘FF’] asked me [‘B’] and [‘C’] to hit the younger 3. I refused…if [‘B’] didn’t hit hard enough, she was told to do it again. [‘B’] and [‘C’] did as they were told, I think out of fear of the consequences. I realise that my Mum hasn’t protected me. I am made to feel guilty about asking Mum to look after the children so I can revise. I have been out with my school friends perhaps 3-4 times in 5 years. I would never invite anyone home. In March 2023, Mum and [‘FF’] had an episode that lasted 3 days. At one point in the evening I heard Mum saying that someone was at the window. She came into my room, turned on the light and told me that someone was messing with the wifi. She was acting paranoid. She kept saying to me, ‘how could you do this’…she was so frantic and at one point was holding [‘G’] so I grabbed the baby from her. She was very loud…I was up all night, 4 maybe 5 hours, and when Mum had fallen asleep, [‘FF’] left and I carried on looking after the children. Mum asked me a few days later why I was frightened and I explained that I wasn’t frightened, I was trying to calm her down. Since that episode, for some reason Mum moved…to hating on [‘B’].”
“Domestic abuse can inflict lasting trauma on victims and their extended families, especially children and young people who either witness the abuse or are aware of it having occurred. Domestic abuse is rarely a one-off incident and it is the cumulative and interlinked physical, psychological, sexual, emotional or financial abuse that has a particularly damaging effect on the victims and those around them.”
“2. The children’s basic care needs were not met when they were in the care of their mother and ‘FF’. Specifically: i. poor home conditions were observed; ii. the six older children all have poor oral/dental health including cavities; iii. on28 August 2021 ‘G’ was taken to hospital after ingesting an unknown white powder; iv. the children have been left supervised by ‘A’ for periods of time both at home and in the park; v. ‘A’ and ‘B’ have been expected to care for the younger children. 3. The children have been exposed to domestic abuse and parental violence. This puts the children at risk of emotional harm and at risk of physical harm if the abuse escalates and the children were to be caught in the crossfire. Specifically: i. the children haven unable to sleep at night due to loud arguments between the mother and ‘FF’; ii. ‘FF’ bit the mother on24 July 2021 ; iii. The children were exposed to arguments and physical altercations between the mother and ‘FT’. This includes an incident were ‘A’ saw ‘FT’ smash a glass against his face. 4. The mother and ‘FF’ have inflicted physical harm on the children. Specifically: i. the mother slapped ‘B’ on the face; ii. the mother smacked ‘C’ on the hand and on the thigh; iii. the mother shouts at all the children; iv. the five older children witnessed arguments and physical altercations between the mother and ‘FT’; v. ‘A’ witnessed an incident where ‘FT’ smashed a glass into his face; vi. ‘FF’ ‘clips’ the children’s heads as a punishment and he has slapped ‘D’. 5. The mother and ‘FF’ abused drugs and alcohol when the children were in their care. The mother also had gambling difficulties. This impacted on their ability to care for the children, placing them at risk of neglect and physical harm due to not being physically or emotionally available to parent, and due to the impact on finances for the family. Specifically: i. the mother has tested positive for high levels of cocaine (including potentially crack-cocaine) use and chronic excessive alcohol use in the approximate time period from the end of November 2022 to the end of May 2023; ii. ‘FF’ has tested positive for high levels of cocaine use and chronic excessive alcohol use in the approximate time period from middle of March 2023 to the end of May 2023; iii. there is no evidence that either the mother or Mr ‘FF’ were accessing substance misuse services at the relevant date. 6. Both the mother and ‘FF’ had mental health difficulties, for which they were not receiving treatment, whilst the children were in their care. This placed the children at risk of suffering emotional harm as the parent’s poor health will impact on their ability to safely care for the children. 7. The mother, ‘FT’ and ‘FF’ engage in criminal activity which put the children at risk of emotional harm if they witness the criminal activity, and the risk of neglect as the criminal activity can impact on the parents’ ability to provide basic care. Specifically: i. ‘FT’ grew drugs in the family home when he was living with the mother and the six oldest children; ii. ‘FF’ has been arrested for possession with intent to supply, two offenses of possession of an offensive weapon and drug driving with no insurance; iii. the children are aware of ‘FF’s criminal activity.” i. poor home conditions were observed; ii. the six older children all have poor oral/dental health including cavities; iii. on28 August 2021 ‘G’ was taken to hospital after ingesting an unknown white powder; iv. the children have been left supervised by ‘A’ for periods of time both at home and in the park; v. ‘A’ and ‘B’ have been expected to care for the younger children. i. the children haven unable to sleep at night due to loud arguments between the mother and ‘FF’; ii. ‘FF’ bit the mother on24 July 2021 ; iii. The children were exposed to arguments and physical altercations between the mother and ‘FT’. This includes an incident were ‘A’ saw ‘FT’ smash a glass against his face. i. the mother slapped ‘B’ on the face; ii. the mother smacked ‘C’ on the hand and on the thigh; iii. the mother shouts at all the children; iv. the five older children witnessed arguments and physical altercations between the mother and ‘FT’; v. ‘A’ witnessed an incident where ‘FT’ smashed a glass into his face; vi. ‘FF’ ‘clips’ the children’s heads as a punishment and he has slapped ‘D’. i. the mother has tested positive for high levels of cocaine (including potentially crack-cocaine) use and chronic excessive alcohol use in the approximate time period from the end of November 2022 to the end of May 2023; ii. ‘FF’ has tested positive for high levels of cocaine use and chronic excessive alcohol use in the approximate time period from middle of March 2023 to the end of May 2023; iii. there is no evidence that either the mother or Mr ‘FF’ were accessing substance misuse services at the relevant date. i. ‘FT’ grew drugs in the family home when he was living with the mother and the six oldest children; ii. ‘FF’ has been arrested for possession with intent to supply, two offenses of possession of an offensive weapon and drug driving with no insurance; iii. the children are aware of ‘FF’s criminal activity.”
“all the children, with exception of [‘F’] expressed that they did not wish to return to the care of [the mother]. This is reflective of a fracture and breakdown in the parent/child relationship. Additionally, the children in my meetings with them expressed significant concerns around their previous experiences, which include exposure to parental substance misuse, parental mental health, parental conflict and subject to a lack of supervision, neglect and physical chastisement and verbal abuse…in my professional opinion, the children present has having experienced trauma in their upbringing. They present with difficulties around managing their emotions, attachment related difficulties in trusting and being care for by a care giver, attention seeking behaviour to get their needs met, which can be extreme, including self-harming behaviour. They are additionally repeating and expressing multiple disclosures around their experiences in the care o [the mother and ‘FF’] and this includes awareness of adult information…the children present as having damaged sibling relationships with identity and self-esteem difficulties, anxiety, intermittent low mood, with some of the children…having reported experiencing exploitation from [‘FF’ and the mother]...the impact appears to be that the children have experienced developmental trauma which has impacted on the sibling relations. This appears to be characterised by limited empathy and difficulties around their interactions.”
“I advised him multiple times to write letters. He has not written any.”
“Society must be willing to tolerate very diverse standards of parenting, including… the barely adequate and the inconsistent. It follows too that children will inevitably have both very different experiences of parenting and very unequal consequences flowing from it. It means that some children will experience disadvantage and harm, whilst others flourish in atmospheres of loving security and emotional stability. These are the consequences of our fallible humanity and it is not the provenance of the State to spare children all the consequences of defective parenting. In any event it could simply not be done.”
“We are all frail human beings, with our fair share of unattractive character traits, which sometimes manifest themselves in bad behaviour which may be copied by our children. But the State does not and cannot take away the children of all the people who commit crimes, who abuse alcohol or drugs, [or] who suffer from physical or mental illnesses or disabilities…”