“RA does appear to look to his grandmother for comfort, protection and containment. He signals his need for her when he is anxious at nighttime, when he is unwell, or frightened. He is afraid of separation from her and of the disappearance of other family members. He needs reassurance that those he depends on will not also suddenly disappear. My impression is that MC is able to read RA well and is devoted to and sensitive to him, despite her own overwhelming loss.”
“[65] In this particular case, the security and stability of each of the children with their respective primary carers is more important than their need to be placed together. The risk is that if the children are placed together separately from their mother, neither child may be able to have their individual complex needs met by their primary carer. The complex needs of both children, including their responses to the loss of parents, may be too much for a single carer to manage if they are not to return to their mother’s care. “[66] RA has already lost his father and paternal grandfather. He is separated from his mother and stepfather and currently lives apart from FB. FB is separated from her mother and stepfather and has initially experienced this as intolerable. RA and FB both have significant additional needs. “[67] My view is that neither child is able to contain or offer succour to the other in their grief, although they enjoy each other’s company. Their need for attachment security with a primary caregiver is the most important for each child respectively in my view. “[68] That said, it is my view that the siblings do need to have regular meaningful contact with each other during their childhoods and beyond. It will be an unnecessary further loss to them to lose each other completely through severance of their relationship if they are not to return to their mother, whose loss they are both affected by.”
“[7] I have provided a psychological formulation for each parent, which indicates that there are aspects in both parents’ profiles which interfere with their capacity to provide adequately for the children’s specific emotional needs, including, but not limited to, their respective approaches to the paternal family. Both parents have difficulties with mentalising for the children in areas of importance, although their capacity to manage the children’s physical and educational needs is good. “[8] Neither parent accepts the judgment, nor considers there is anything within their parenting approach in need of remedy. This is a barrier to change. I have made recommendations for interventions, with the caveat that without an acceptance that there are issues to address, it will be difficult for progress to be made. The issue of whether the children could be in their care while recommendations for interventions are undertaken is discussed, although my opinion regarding FB is limited, as I have not assessed her needs.”
“[164] The risk to their children is that their mother may be psychologically absent in areas that matter most. Even though she is able to care for them physically very well. Furthermore, I worry that SB will not be able to promote an accurate picture of RA’s father to RA. She does not have an integrated sense of what happened and what he meant to RA and is so avoidant on this topic that she will not be able to support RA in processing his grief and understanding what happened to him. She would like to outsource that aspect of his care to others, not appreciating the role he needs from his attachment figure as able to emotionally contain him. “[165] I also worry that she would not be give the children a truthful account of their lives and what happened and will provide her own version of events, which will not take into account their actual experiences. During interview, she did not appear to have any idea as to what she might say to the children to help them make sense of their experiences, although she objects to others being in control of the narrative given to them. She wants to be able to manage this herself, although her approach suggests that she is likely to distort information given to them or will miss out important details.”
“[177] The judgment is clear about the emotional harm already suffered by the children from the animosity towards the paternal family. PB denies this. He was deceived as a child and was triangulated between his parents. My reading of the judgment is that PB behaved in deceptive coercive ways with RA, trying to influence him in developing a negative view of his father. Without any acknowledgement of a problem in need of reflection and remedy, it is difficult to see how he might manage similar conflict in the future or to model for the children adaptive conflict-resolution skills. I also consider that his own unresolved trauma with regard to parental divorce and alienation may continue to play out in the family dynamics. He is likely to struggle to provide for the children an honest account of their life to date and to provide a balanced picture of their paternal family. “[178] On the basis of this assessment, it is also my view that PB may struggle to connect with the children’s emotional states, especially with regard to their expression of negative effect. He may be likely to withdraw from the children’s rejecting behaviours as his capacity to understand their origins is limited by his avoidance.”
“[187] My opinion is that there are significant barriers in the way of SB being able to meet the children’s emotional needs as detailed above. She can provide well for them physically and is able to offer scaffolding for learning, but emotional empathy is missing. Particularly in regard to RA’s experiences, she is not able to mentalise with empathy for him. She does not see his perspective with regard to the death of his father as particularly relevant or meaningful. I do not think that she will be able to support RA in understanding what has happened in his life. My view is that her particularly perfectionist approach, in which she battles for her ideal family life regardless of the actual specific emotional needs of the children, portend risk to their psychological welfare. I consider that she may continue to be willing to lie to achieve her aims, as the judgment says at paragraph 96. There pattern of fabricating reality is likely to be rooted in her childhood experiences or having to please or perform her parents, particularly her father, which has led to stymied emotional understanding. “[188] Neither parent was convincing in their interviews about the relevance of RA’s father in RA’s life. They still minimised his role and suggested that his death is of less relevance than other issues.”
“There was flatness when talking about RA. It’s not just what she said. It’s how she says it. She wasn’t just saying it straight through.”
“[189] It is in the parents’ capacity to manage their children’s emotional needs without avoidance or distortion of information and in their capacity to recognise, understand and contain an emotion in their full-time care that I have concerns. Contact appears to be serving their needs for identity and belonging and may help both children master feelings of loss and grief and maintain a sibling relationship. “[190] I do not think that either parent will be able to supress expression of their own negative feeling towards the paternal family, as they were unable to in the past, or to shield the children from distorted information about them if they were in their unsupervised care at current time. This matters for both FB and RA, but particularly for RA whose sense of identity and belonging and the presence of an honest representation would be at risk.”
“For RA, the impact of this situation has been catastrophic. He has lost his father and paternal grandfather in the most horrific of circumstances. Whilst he may struggle to express his views and feelings around this, it is likely to impact on him for the rest of his life. RA had a close and loving bond with his dad and, despite the attempts made to interfere with that relationship by Mr and SB, his feelings have remained strong. RA has been attending therapeutic sessions with MC and the child-in-care clinician and, after several sessions of therapy, he asked direct questions about what happened to his father and grandfather. He has now been given accurate information to rewrite the inaccurate narrative that he was previously being given by his mother and PB.”
“I would like Facetime once a week to check on how he was doing. If RA was placed with me, I would come back to the UK so he could see the paternal family and go and holiday with them.”
“It is my view that the children have not come to significant harm in my care, but I accept that RA has come to significant harm as a result of the horrendous decision taken by my father on29 March 2023 , and the consequent loss to RA of his father and paternal grandfather. The confusion and trauma for RA has been compounded by his removal from my care and that of his stepfather and separation from his sister, FB, with whom he always lived.”
“I would like the children returned to my care, in order that I may offer them stability and a home together. All the three children can reside together.”
“FB’s level of contact and the stability of her relationship with her baby sister will be reduced. FB will no doubt struggle over the long term to understand why she is separated from her parents while her sister remains with them. FB will continue to have state intervention throughout her minority. FB would also be at risk of placement moves and might not have the opportunity to build life-long relationship or enjoy the stability and security that she requires.”
“RA has shared during sessions with the child-in-care clinician that he wishes to remain living with MC and Mr C. He has not specifically spoken about his views around returning to his mother’s care, although it is clear that he enjoys spending time with her during family-time sessions. He also appears to enjoy spending time with his younger sister. Continuing contact with them all needs to continue to be promoted. RA has expressed in a therapeutic session that he wishes to remain living with MC and Mr C. He has been observed to be happy, settled and at ease within their household, with genuine warmth shared between them. Even if RA expressed the view that he would like to return to his mother’s care, the local authority would not be able to support this due to the significant concerns around his emotional safety.”
“FB is too young to understand the current complexities of this current situation and I have made the assumption that FB would like to be able to live with her mum, dad, RA and her baby sister, if it was safe.”
“FB is too young to fully understand the situation in which she finds herself, or to share her views around the plans for her long-term care. It is reasonable to assume that FB would want to return to her parents’ care and would want them to meet all of her needs and make sure she is safe and happy. FB would want her parents to understand and address the concerns which resulted in her being removed from their care, so she does not experience the same difficulties in the future.”