"Don't think I'd cope if he was always like this. It's such an awful noise, I think that's the idea though!!!! Just wish I could make him feel better. Well I'll try and survive the night and then we've got an appointment tomorrow."
"If I don't reply it's because my brain's exploded, or we've managed to sleep by some miracle."
"I won't, but I'll make E [the father] be alone with him next time, so he knows how bad it is. Ha ha."
"As you've not replied or told me whether you're ever coming back, I suppose I will assume you don't want anything to do with Q at all. In that case it's probably best he just goes into care, as I've made it clear I cannot and will not ever be able to make it through a single 24 hour session with him on my own, so I guess you've made it the only option. I've also sorted it so that you can return. I was only staying at uni as I here with you anyways. I will go to my dad's, obviously alone, after I've got ready this morning. Q will be in the flat, since you should be here with me, I can't just be expected to sit here not knowing if you're ever returning, and doing stuff for him 24/7 for the indefinite future, as I know full well you would do the same. Also I think it's particularly mean to have done this when we knew he'd been severely ill and relentless for 48 hours from his jabs. Just saying. Sorry I've had to resort to this, but if I spend one more moment without a plan in the situation me and Q are currently in, will actually kill myself. Being deadly serious as without you, I have nothing left to lose anyway. P.S. my anxiety about being left alone with him has totally reverted back to when he was born, so thanks for that. I will never get over this day. I know that's selfish, blah blah, but when you're this low, you have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you won't exist to be selfish in future days anyway."
"Q seems like super bad, but don't even know if it's 'cos of the injections. We literally, like, don't even know what to do at this point, because we can't even get to the hospital."
"Since E maturely decided to abandon me and Q for 48 hours once, I now can't be alone with him at all or I have panic attacks. Plus I swear I saw E shake him, but feel so unstable and exhausted I'm not 100 per cent. And he has mark on his chest that looks suspiciously like a bruise, so obviously I can't take him in case they think E did do something to him on purpose. I've been trying to speak to the health visitor for days, but they seem literally to be ignoring me. He had his vaccinations. Keep telling myself it's just that. If it is, he's not having the rest, unless they look after him after, 'cos it's bloody abhorrent. But also his eyes are like, blood red, type blood shot, and were before, so can't be that really. I don't know."
"I left the thing up on E's laptop and now he seems to have realised that he may have done that, so he's up with Q at the hospital now. I will let you know what happens."
"Can't talk on the phone, as E's here, and is really upset, thinking he may have hurt him, so don't want to make it obvious we're speaking about this, if that makes sense."
"explained everything to them regarding him and how I probably shook him. However, they've done some minor checks on him, and said he seems okay, and no real issues for concern as yet."
"I mentioned my shaking but they said I'd have to aggressively shake him for it to be that. So far, saying something he's allergic to."
"This was all completely unwarranted and so far from the truth but I reluctantly asked the GP if the red eyes could have been the result of shaking. The GP asked the mother what she meant and I showed her how I would rock Q in my arms and on my shoulders. She reassured us that this would not be the cause. She also described what shaking would be like, getting to the end of our tether, being angry and frustrated, and, in that moment, aggressively shaking him. I told her none of this had happened."
"naively, I agreed to say this, despite it not being the case. Although I was low and stressed, it was mostly due to how much I was doing without assistance from the mother. I had absolutely no intention of self-harming or committing suicide”. The father confirms that he was given a prescription for mirtazapine, but decided to stop taking the tablets because of side effects. The father also says that he made a selfreferral to a counselling service. He says that he was called by one of the staff, to whom he spoke about not getting much help at home, feeling alone in looking after the baby, and not knowing what to do when the baby cried relentlessly with colic. The father states: "
"It is an elementary proposition that findings of fact must be based on evidence, including inferences that can properly be drawn from the evidence and not on suspicion or speculation."
"Evidence cannot be evaluated and assessed in separate compartments. A judge in these difficult cases has to have regard to the relevance of each piece of evidence to other evidence and to exercise an overview of the totality of the evidence in order to come to the conclusion whether the case put forward by the local authority has been made out to the appropriate standard of proof."
"It is important to remember (1) that the roles of the court and the expert are distinct; and (2) it is the court that is in the position to weigh up the expert evidence against its findings on the other evidence. The judge must always remember that he or she is the person who makes the final decision."
"The judge in care proceedings must never forget that today's medical certainty may be discarded by the next generation of experts or that scientific research will throw light into corners that are at present dark."
"To these matters I would only add that in cases where repeated accounts are given of events surrounding injury and death, the court must think carefully about the significance or otherwise of any reported discrepancies. They may arise for a number of reasons. One possibility is, of course, that they are lies designed to hide culpability. Another is that they are lies told for other reasons. Further possibilities include faulty recollection or confusion at times of stress, or when the importance and accuracy are not fully appreciated, or there may be inaccuracy or mistake in the recordkeeping or recollection of the person hearing and relaying the account. The possible effects of delay and repeated questioning upon memory should also be considered, as should the effect on one person of hearing accounts given by others. As memory fades, a desire to iron out wrinkles may not be unnatural, a process that might inelegantly be described as 'story creep' may occur without any necessary inference of bad faith."
“With every day that passes, the memory becomes fainter, and imagination becomes more active. The human capacity for honestly believing something which bears no relation to what actually happened is unlimited. Therefore, contemporary documents are always of the utmost importance.”
"It is extremely unusual for low level falls from domestic sofas or beds, ie of around 45 centimetres, to cause any skull fracture or significant head injury. The described fall of 20 to 30 centimetres would not be expected to cause injuries of this severity."
"If there was a delayed presentation, that could have been avoided. The difference that might have occurred is that the fundamentals of treating a head injury are to keep the patient full of oxygen and keep their blood pressure up and that's what earlier presentation in this case could have achieved. It wouldn't have altered the dura laceration. It may or may not have avoided the need for surgery, because if those things could have reduced the swelling so the brain damage wasn't extended, it might have made a difference. But if earlier oxygenation and correction of the anaemia had occurred, it might have reduced the severity of the underlying brain injury, although you cannot be certain."
"In the absence of an episode of major accidental trauma or an underlying medical condition, and in the knowledge that not everything in medicine has a clear explanation, then the finding of subconjunctival haemorrhages remains unexplained but in my opinion would be consistent with a non-accidental aetiology as a result of one or a combination of thoracic crush injury, shaking, indirect or direct trauma to the eyes."
"Over the last two to three days, Q doesn't look right. Noted his back of the head looked bigger when woke up in the morning. Went to bed last night. Well fed at 1 am, no issues. E got up, went to the kitchen to make his milk and holding him with his left hand, Q made some movements. E dropped him, hit the back left side of his head onto the top of the kitchen counter. Didn't lose consciousness but irritable and refusing to drink milk. Did a poo but not going back to sleep. Eyes half open not crying. He left Q in his Moses basket and back to sleep. L [the mother] woke up at 6.30 am. Didn't know he hit his head earlier. Said E was asleep. Noted red mark on his forehead. Q making little noises, not taking his feeds. Put him back in his Moses basket, she went back to bed. 9 am = both parents wake up. Q didn't look well. Change in colour. Lips almost purple. Face quite flushed. L went out to uni for appointment and didn't come home till 2 pm. E said Q was screaming throughout the day. Eyes vacant look, not taking his feed. Noted a swelling over right side of his head above his ear. Called GP. Went to surgery when L came from uni. GP noted bruising and lump on the back of his head, right side. No vomiting. One wet nappy at 9 am. Bowels open once at 4 am."
"So I was just holding him there like I usually do and ended up making the milk and then by accident he sort of really kicked hard which I've kind of really had coming from him before ... and I wasn't holding him tight enough, which was my mistake, and he fell onto the surface ... and I then quickly lifted him up and sort of held him as tight as I could ... and so I tried to console him for that for about an hour and then I tried to give him milk but he was having none of it. Every time the teat touched his mouth, he just went into this high squeal crying, but it was continuous. So rather than it being like every so often out of nowhere, it was continuous and then I woke L up about 6 o'clock just to say, 'Hey, do you want to try something? I'd just exhausted everything and I've got nothing left and I don't know what else we can do'."
"I was kind of monitoring him, seeing how he was doing then, while he was there, while he was sat in the bouncer. Could see -- because generally he loves being in the bouncer. He wasn't himself at all, because normally he will sit in there and be looking at you and sort of trying to interact and hitting the things around him on the bouncer. But he was just sort of sat there almost vacant staring if you will. He wasn't following me at all."
"For like two or three hours, kind of no sound. Nothing was coming from him and I found that quite weird, but then I noticed about like 9, 9.30, he would be in that state and every now and again squeal really loud and then be back into that state again, then really, really loud, then back into it again, almost like he was having a really bad dream it seems... L went to uni for her induction ... I was looking at his head and looked sort of a weird shape ... when I went to lift him up, he just squealed even louder than before, and I could tell straightaway his head looked almost like there was different shapes to it ... so then I knew that I'd hit him on the bump side of it, so I said to L, 'Look, I've done this which was an accident, but do you think that that could have something to do with his recent crying and everything else like that going on?' ... If you touched it, it sort of felt like a water bed, that sort of thing. That's when I was like this is definitely not right and that's why I rang the GP."
"I was woken by Q crying at around 1.30 am. When I got up, I got him up, changed his nappy and gave him a feed. He was giggling as I played with him, but E told me off saying he wouldn't go back to sleep if I continued. I sat with Q in my arms until he fell asleep. I put him back in his cot and went back to bed. Around 4 am, Q woke again but E said he would go this time, so I went back to sleep. I woke up around 10 am. Q seemed okay. He was a bit dozy but that wasn't unusual for him. E said, 'He has been a bit off his milk', but again this was not unusual. I told him to keep a close eye on him whilst I went for my counselling session at 12.30. E said he might call the GP and I asked him to let me know what he said. Whilst I was out, E contacted me and said that Q had hit his head a bit on the kitchen counter but he was fine. I returned home to find two other friends there. E was being really negative about having a baby. As soon as I saw Q, I realised something was really wrong. He was vacant and his eyes were only half way open. His cry was piercing and different. I immediately took Q to the GP who called an ambulance. E told the GP that the knock to the back of the head had in fact happened at 4 am. That was the first time I heard of the incident."