“84 I acknowledge that each parent said at different stages in the oral evidence that they accepted that Z had been sexually abused by her older brothers. These assertions must be assessed, however, in the context of their earlier statements, both in writing and orally, and of their dealings with the social workers and other professionals, and having regard to the conclusions I drew about their evidence in my earlier judgment as quoted above, namely that they were evasive and unreliable witnesses who had concealed information from the court. In all these circumstances, I am not satisfied that the parents’ limited acknowledgment in their oral evidence represents their true opinions and feelings. The father’s explanation for the reason why he has now, very late in the day, accepted Z’s allegations – mainly, that she repeated them to an “independent” person, namely her new carer – was totally unconvincing and implausible. It may be that at some level they recognise that, without acknowledging the truth of Z’s allegations, it is unlikely that they will be allowed to resume care of their children. That recognition in itself represents some progress, but only to a very limited degree. Both the mother and father are to my mind a very long way from genuinely accepting that the allegations are true. They have not begun to understand the extent of the physical and emotional harm suffered by Z, or the seriousness of the conduct of SB and SM, nor in my judgment have they begun to realise the extent of their failure to protect the children and the harm that has thereby resulted. The father’s assertion in evidence that any sexualised behaviour demonstrated by his children was caused by the corrupt society in which they now live, and not through any fault on his part, shows the extent of his lack of awareness of his responsibility for what has occurred. In her final analysis, the guardian concluded that the mother and father are unable to take any responsibility for their actions, but, rather, apportion blame to others or minimise the concerns. I agree. Nothing I have heard in the course of this hearing has caused me to question this assessment. 85. Furthermore, it is clear from their written and oral evidence, and from their statements at earlier stages in the proceedings and to the Phoenix assessors, that they do not accept the extent of my findings concerning physical abuse, nor understand the degree to which their failure to manage the behaviour of the children, and their excessive use of physical chastisement, has damaged the children. The father’s acknowledgement to Mr. Lowe [the Phoenix assessor] that the incident involving SB in the middle of the night involved him fighting with himself rather than his son may well present the start of a process of understanding, but it is no more than a start. The parents have a long way to go before they truly accept and understand the extent of the physical abuse they perpetrated in this case. 86. In my judgment, the Phoenix assessment significantly underestimated the extent of the change required in these parents and was manifestly over-optimistic as to the capacity for change and the timescales it would take to achieve the degree of change necessary for these children to return safely home. It is possible that over time the parents may come to accept my findings, and develop an understanding of the degree of harm they caused to the children, and achieve the changes necessary in their parenting. It may be that, with professional help and guidance, they may learn new skills as parents so that they can protect their children from sexual abuse, and manage the behaviour of their children as they get older and face the challenges of growing up in modern society. In my judgment, however, it is likely to take a very considerable amount of time and hard work to achieve these changes.”
“…adoption of a child against her parents’ wishes should only be contemplated as a last resort – when all else fails. Although the child’s interests in an adoption case are ‘paramount’ …a court must never lose sight of the fact that those interests include being brought up by her natural family, ideally her natural parents, or at least one of them.”
“I must assume that the abuse happened when I was not paying attention. I cannot think when this would have been. I honestly believed the children were being supervised whilst they were in the home. It was a busy family home though, and whilst we have structures and routines to manage this, which I believed worked very well, there must have been occasions when I was not sufficiently focused on the children.”
“I do understand the significance of this finding and accept that this must have happened. I was not, however, aware of it at the time it was happening and even looking back now I honestly cannot think of anything I saw or heard that would have made me suspect this.”
“I must assume that the abuse happened when I was not paying attention. I cannot think when this would have been. I honestly believed the children were being supervised whilst they were in the home. It was a busy family home though and whilst we had structures and routines to manage this, which I believed worked very well, there must have been occasions when I was not sufficiently focused on the children.”
“although we hold different views to the judge regarding the findings against SB and SM, we are not blind to the question of risk to M should she have contact with her older brothers. I think it is important, particularly for M, that she has a good relationship with all of her siblings but that must be in a safe environment. Further on in his statement, he added: “my wife and I are more than able to provide emotional care, keep M free from any risk of sexual harm or abuse and she will not be at risk of any chastisement from myself or my wife. Although I do have great difficulty in accepting the findings of the court, I have to accept that those are the findings and the basis from which the court must proceed. I do not agree that the fact that I hold a different view from the judge is to the detriment of the emotional care I can offer to M.”