"As I sit and attempt to put into words the impact this monster has had on my life, I mull over where to begin, the process in itself is re-traumatising as is me giving him (a paedophile) any headspace/thought. Avoiding anything triggering is something I have learnt to do to protect myself but it is not a foolproof strategy. It’s hard for words to convey the extent of the damage that you have caused and the lifelong trauma for so many lives. A child was conceived as a result of your horrendous behaviours and now he also knows he is a result of rape. What must go through his mind is something I can only imagine. I feel a sense of responsibility for him as he is a part of me but also a harsh reminder of the trail of destruction you have left behind, and for what? A few minutes of sexual gratification from a child. You make me sick. After your months of abuse, you still continued with this like it was an excursion when you had a weekend away [in the city in which I lived]. I was left to deal with a pregnancy, alone, isolated and no one to turn to. It's strange how you didn't notice this change in my body. The physical toll this took on my body meant I had to have an epidural, stitches due to the tear from giving birth without any medical care, iron tablets and creams to stop breast milk from leaking out on my school uniform. The physical impact of childbirth alone could have ended very differently if there were any complications. Giving birth is hard enough but to do it alone at 15 was tough and the word tough is an understatement. I recall the paramedics having to bring me down the stairs in a wheelchair after I gave birth. Whilst in hospital, I attempted to go to the bathroom and the whole room began to spin and I was locked in a bathroom having pressed the emergency cord for help. I was so weak I needed a blood transfusion; 2 pints of blood were put into my body that day. The morning sickness, the months I lay awake not knowing what to do and the days and nights I still am lost in thoughts of the trauma you have caused, it feels never ending. How I get up some days is a miracle. Emotional-I often feel like I operate without the ability to feel but then tears roll down my face like they are now as I write and I can feel emotion. Dissociation is one of the many defence mechanisms the brain can use to cope with trauma. There's so many emotions I go through: guilt, shame, anger, hatred, feeling 'dirty', humiliated and scared. At times I feel I am to blame, I struggle with trusting others, feelings of numbness, worthlessness and sheer exhaustion at times with this constant battle with my thoughts and emotions. I remember feeling suicidal as a teenager and hoping my life would end as that was easier than dealing with what you did to me. Psychological-where do I even begin to encapsulate this. The flashbacks, the nightmares, the suicidal ideation and thoughts over the years. Not being able to switch off or control these at times has been terrifying. The trauma of having to re-live the whole thing again and again is just a constant rollercoaster. Impact on family-my mum is no longer alive to see if justice will prevail, but I know she died with a heavy heart of knowing she allowed you to stay under her roof and treated you like a son only for you to misuse and abuse this trust. My dad-he cannot bear to think about what you have done as I imagine it is just too difficult for him to comprehend. He supported you to have the life and family you have and you betrayed him. The guilt he must carry as a father in feeling responsible in allowing you into his home is only something he will know. My son, the child you conceived, he must struggle with his identity no doubt but also now knows he was an unwanted pregnancy, the lifelong significance of this is something I can only begin to understand. Perhaps you may want to think about this life you have ruined also. My daughter-I have not yet told her about all of this as I want to protect her, this is something most parents will resonate with. How I raise her is hugely impacted by my own unfortunate lived experiences and letting her do things like sleepovers for example fills me with dread. My husband-He has had to carry me emotionally in the best way that he can. The impact abuse has on relationships is massive from emotional connections to sexual intimacy and being uninterested in sex which should be a normal and healthy part of life when not done to you or forced upon you. My siblings-there is this worry from my younger sister in wanting to do more to help me but feeling helpless as no one can make it go away. They have had to go through the trauma of re-living the nightmare again for the purpose of evidence. It’s still something that no one talks about because of the discomfort it brings. My siblings had to witness what you did to me and I am sure these memories will haunt them also. Impact on friends-my friends have given up their time and energy to pick up the pieces you have left. The lengthy phone calls, the check ins, attending hearings, looking after my daughter when they know I need some time and generally being there for me when it has mattered. The disgust and empathy of knowing someone they love is suffering is hard for someone like you to comprehend but I can be sure they hate you. My employer-my manager has supported me and continues to support me through this difficult time whilst trying to balance my health and wellbeing and allowing me to continue to work. The extra meetings for personal supervision to ensure I am okay has impacted upon my work and the quality of work I am able to produce. Quality of life changed-from the moment you took it upon yourself to touch me inappropriately to the extent of making me some sort of object that served a sheer purpose for you changed my life. What should have been 'firsts' that are memorable and celebrated have become sordid nightmares I want to erase from my memory. You deprived me of my first kiss, losing my virginity and made me feel like a I was merely there to serve a purpose-your needs. This has massively impacted my self-esteem and I struggle with imposter syndrome. I'll never know what life would be like without your treacherous interference and I lost a big part of my own childhood when you came into my home. You scarred me for life, I am always doubting myself, holding myself back as I don't feel I am good enough, the connotations of being a victim of childhood sexual abuse as far reaching. My view of what a healthy relationship is became skewered as such a young age. I experienced trauma and loss before I was even an adult. I gave up a child and this loss is something that will stay with me. When I had another child, the trauma affected my bond. I had to access months of counselling from a specialist service for victims of childhood sexual abuse. It is not until this point did I start to look at things a little differently and started to hold the adults accountable including you for what happened to me. The shame and guilt of living in a community where sexual abuse is not spoken about meant your crimes went undetected until now. Ongoing impact-Everyday there is a reminder of what I have suffered, this might be an article in the newspaper, a piece of work I am doing, something I am watching on TV. At times, I just want to curl up and stay in bed. Financial- I have spent money on therapy lasting months. The time I invest in trying to stop myself from experiencing a mental breakdown is difficult to put a value on. I can't afford to take time off work as this whole process is lifelong and will never end. The thought of a trial fills me with dread in having to re-live every moment again. The anger and hate I feel towards you will never go away and ordinarily; I am not an angry person but you bring out the worst in me."
"Offences may be of such severity, for example involving a campaign of rape, that sentences of 20 years and above may be appropriate."
"I shall regard those offences that are not rape as aggravating features of your conduct and load the sentence on to both count 4 and count 7. Mr Gowel [prosecution counsel] is fair in his assessment; he categorises these offences of rape as what are known as 2B offences which gives a starting point for sentence of eight years in prison with a range of seven to nine years. There are considerable aggravating features: these rapes took place in [V's] home, in the main in her bedroom where she should have been safe; most of these rapes were in the presence of children who were sharing that bedroom. The further aggravating feature is that you, effectively, manipulated her into a position of not telling. All of that informs sentence and where in the range I should pitch it. Ultimately I have come to the view that I need not aggravate sentence beyond the range available to me. That is because this will be a significant sentence, the impact on you will be devastating. That sends as much of a message as justice needs."