“It was in 1988, as a Recorder, that I first started hearing private family law cases. I have continued to hear them over the intervening twenty four years, including four years as Designated Family Judge at the end of the last century. I do not recall any case (even Public Law cases involving several children) which has taken so long or has left me with such a feeling of failure on the part of the Family Justice System. Neither the parents nor the child have been well served…. All I can say, with the benefit of hindsight, is that some of the turns which this case has taken, or not taken, appear surprising and I have no difficulty in understanding why father has expressed criticism both of professionals appointed to assist the court and judges for not enforcing orders.”
“the evidence is clear that whenever M has contact with father it is positive and that M does love her father.”
“3 . Father is now 60; mother now 48. They were in a relationship for about ten years before M was born. Although never married they lived together before the birth and for a few months after the birth. An important background fact has been mother’s health problems, both mental and physical, which are of long standing. She had at least one mental breakdown before the birth of M. She has been variously diagnosed as having an emotionally unstable personality disorder, displaying paranoid personality traits and periodically suffers from depression. These have not been helped by occasions when she has abused alcohol and/or illicit drugs. She also suffers from Crohn’s disease and was unable to attend the final hearing because she had only recently been discharged from hospital after admission for complications from that condition. 4. It is father’s case that, since very shortly after M was born, mother (aided and abetted by her parents – with whom she has had an on-off relationship over the years and who, father believes, have never liked him) has tried to prevent him from having a worthwhile relationship with M. Mother has always asserted that she wants M to have a “normal” relationship with her father. That there have hardly ever been periods when that occurred she has increasingly put down to M not wanting to go for contact (particularly staying) and, more latterly, refusing to go for contact. 5. Father has only had any contact with M as a result of bringing applications before the court and referring the matter back to court when mother either refuses to “move contact on” or does not produce M for contact. Early Cafcass reports are revealing. As early as April 2002 mother was resistant to contact moving on to overnight stays although there has never been any doubt about father’s ability to cope with the care of M: Cafcass recommended it. Almost immediately mother tried to undermine it by saying M was not happy with the food father was providing and M did not want to go. She stopped M going. Cafcass recommended suspending staying contact. It was re-instated later and in March 2003 the Cafcass writer observed: “the court may feel enough resources have been devolved to this case and it is incumbent on mother and father to make any order work”. 6. Later that year father saw more of M because mother was in a new relationship and wished time with her boyfriend. M was also being left with her maternal grandparents who were concerned that mother was drinking heavily, behaving badly and not providing proper care. The acrimonious situation between maternal grandparents and father and, to a lesser extent, mother was noted. A section 37 report was recommended and ordered. The recommendation was for M to stay with mother and parents to sort contact out between themselves (subsequently defined by the court). Within months Cafcass were preparing another report because mother was not providing the contact ordered. Father was considering an application to change residence but decided against. He wanted alternate weekends. That is what was recommended because “there was no good reason why a child of nearly five who has a demonstrably good relationship with the non-resident parent should not spend a full weekend with that parent”
“I believe M played to her mother’s sympathy and she got it in bucket loads!” • Despite the allegations M had shown no reluctance to go for contact on other occasions • “Father does not come out of this all sweetness and light”
“I believe M played to her mother’s sympathy and she got it in bucket loads!” • Despite the allegations M had shown no reluctance to go for contact on other occasions • “Father does not come out of this all sweetness and light”
“The first contact – on M’s birthday – went well (it was held at her house with mother leaving her and father alone). Contact was due to start the next day at 3.00 p.m. By a dreadful mistake father got the time wrong and turned up to collect M at 4.30 p.m. Mother had by then left the house with M without trying to reach father by phone. When he realised his mistake and phoned mother she refused to change her arrangements. Essentially she accused father of being in breach of the order and letting M down. It was used as “justification” for M not attending the forthcoming weekend contact either.”
“she told me she would be interested in using the café as a meeting place again to meet up with her father, preferably at the weekend”
“the position remains that M does not refuse to have contact with her father. She is convinced that matters will be sorted out informally and that contact will continue on an unstructured basis if left to the family to sort out. She is adamant that the court’s involvement is counter productive. She wants the process to stop. In summary M has reaffirmed her wish to live with her mother, develop her social relationships and have continuing contact with her father on an ad hoc basis.”
“I did not think that the mother could be trusted to support M’s contact with her father or grandparents. The mother appears to want an unhealthy exclusive relationship with M. The mother hides her opposition to contact behind her daughter’s stated “wishes and feelings”
“it is highly probable that M’s views on contact and the proceedings are influenced directly by her mother as well as by the internal psychological difficulties caused by her conflicts of loyalty. That is why her views change and why it is invidious to suggest to M that they will play much part in the court’s decision making.”
“The passage of time, the concurrent increase in M’s age and the lack of contact are relevant as all make it less likely that a resumption of contact can be achieved without M’s co-operation. A forced transfer of residence cannot be recommended for a reasonably mature 13 year old unless an agency such as SSD/CAFCASS/NYAS are prepared to be actively involved in supporting the transfer and the aftermath. The court will be in a position to know if this is likely.”
“It is very sad that the relationship between (father) and his daughter M has reached this stage, but…when everything possible has been attempted to try to make the relationship between the child and non-resident parent work, and has failed, and it is clear that the child will not benefit from the attempt to continue it, then it is time to end the proceedings. It is difficult without being critical of very minor issues, to determine what else or what more (father) could have done or whether he should have done some things in a different way. Even if M had been willing to live with her father, there is quite a “gap” between the knowledge he has demonstrated of young people at M’s age and development, and the expectations she has, and there would no doubt have been a lot of challenging issues in their relationships. I do understand (father’s) argument that until he is given an opportunity to try parenting M on a full-time basis, no one, including him, knows what he might be capable of. Sadly, I am unable to recommend that he be given that opportunity.”
“26. This is a case where one could raise a number of “what ifs”
“As any parent who has ever asked a child what he wants for tea knows, there is a large difference between taking account of a child’s views and doing what he wants. Especially in Hague Convention cases, the relevance of the child’s views to the issues in the case may be limited. But there is now a growing understanding of the importance of listening to the children involved in children’s cases. It is the child, more than anyone else, who will have to live with what the court decides. Those who do listen to children understand that they often have a point of view which is quite distinct from that of the person looking after them. They are quite capable of being moral actors in their own right. Just as the adults may have to do what the court decides whether they like it or not, so may the child. But that is no more a reason for failing to hear what the child has to say than it is for refusing to hear the parent’s views.”
“… the father may feel that he is suffering injustice. I am afraid to say that I think he is suffering an injustice, but this is yet another example where the welfare of the child requires the court to inflict injustice upon a parent with whom the child is not resident.”
"There is a danger in over-analysis, but I would add this. An appellate judge may conclude that the trial judge's conclusion on proportionality was (i) the only possible view, (ii) a view which she considers was right, (iii) a view on which she has doubts, but on balance considers was right, (iv) a view which she cannot say was right or wrong, (v) a view on which she has doubts, but on balance considers was wrong, (vi) a view which she considers was wrong, or (vii) a view which is unsupportable. The appeal must be dismissed if the appellate judge's view is in category (i) to (iv) and allowed if it is in category (vi) or (vii)."
"The appeal court will allow an appeal where the decision of the lower court was – (a) wrong; or (b) unjust because of a serious procedural or other irregularity …"
‘… orders of the court are made to be obeyed. They are not made for any other reason … it is perhaps appropriate that the message goes out in loud and in clear terms that there does come a limit to the tolerance of the court to see its orders flouted by mothers even if they have to care for their young children. If she goes to prison it is her fault, not the fault of the judge who did no more than his duty to the child which is imposed on him by Parliament.’
‘It seems to me that this [committal order] was an order which was justified both in terms of enforcing respect for the orders of the court, and, therefore, for the rule of law in society, and also, as a last resort, to coerce the mother into complying with court orders.’