“…I do not feel that any contact is in the best interests of A. It appears to me that [the father] has been causing [A] emotional and possibly physical abuse during his contact with [her]. ”
“She is not a proper mummy but I think she is a proper mummy.”
“Hallow mumpants Poppoppop rubrubrub and I don’t like that atall [sic]” “Its not up to you if you do not whant [sic} to go to my house…”
“[A] was brought to see me on 30 November 06 to talk about her visits to her dad. She came across as a very calm and coherent six-year-old. She explained that her dad collected her and brought her home again but that he did not come into the house in Devon. She told me that she was both happy and sad about seeing him, that she enjoyed the activities they do but was also upset by things that he said. She reported that her dad told her that her mummy lies and that he would do things, such as pretending to speak to mummy on a toy phone and then do what she called a ‘poppy’ followed by wiping the phone on his bottom. She also said that he told her that mummy’s family did not really love her, only he did. With prompting from mum, she then made a clear report of her dad threatening to smash her mum’s face and also, with prompting, reported being smacked for no reason that she could recall and another incident, when she was playing with a towel, and was accidentally hurt, but then felt blamed for the accident by her dad. [A] said she wanted to see her dad and did not want her visits to him to stop but wanted the behaviour she described to stop. We talked about sleep and whether she was frightened at times and she said that sometimes, at mummy’s, she did not sleep well but she did not tie this in to her visits or return from visits to her dad. Mum was present throughout this consultation and did at times, as I have reported, need to prompt [A] to tell me about some of the events above, but all the events were reported by [A] herself, in her own words.”
“…embittered man with an agenda to undermine [A’s] relationship with her mother and having a hostile and aggressive attitude towards the mother, and being quite willing to manifest all these characteristics in front of [A] without having any regard to her welfare at all …”
“21. But I do not find the father to be this kind of man at all. Whilst I accept that he is equally responsible with the mother for the general background acrimony that has pervaded this litigation, and he probably has I find said inappropriate things in front of [A], I do not find him to be an especially embittered and hostile man as is alleged. For example his attitude to being told that he could stay to watch the nativity play in 2007 having just driven 150 miles, was to accept the decision and drive back to Surrey. There is no evidence of a scene or argument; that is I find inconsistent with the overall picture of him presented by the mother. Furthermore I noted particularly that his cross-examination of the mother (conducted of course by him as a litigant in person) bore no trace at all of bitterness and was not actually in the least hostile or aggressive -- it was calm, composed, sensitive and courteous cross-examination. Had he been an angry hostile and embittered man, it would I find have been very difficult indeed for him, as a litigant in person, to have disguised these emotions. I find as I say that it was a calm and courteous cross-examination -- his questions were carefully composed, thoughtful, logically arranged and sensitively asked ... 22. On balance I find that the father satisfied me that it was the mother who sought to dominate the way contact was arranged and not the other way round. I find that the likelihood is that she has not taken any adequate steps to disguise her negativity of the father in [A’s] presence. Where there are factual differences between them whether on contact issues or their own relationship issues, I prefer the evidence of the father.”
“ … the finding I make is that he probably did from time to time say things in [A’s] presence which were derogatory of the mother and inappropriate; and the likelihood is that [A] would not have liked this, and indeed would have told her mother about them. I find in all the circumstances that the likelihood is that this would have annoyed and irritated the mother and it is likely that she would not have disguised her feelings from [A] … 25. So what is the explanation for [A’s] reported remarks? It is always I find very difficult to reach clear conclusions about why a child as young as [A] has said what she is reported to have said. There are so many possibilities. I do not find that the mother has deliberately sat [A] down and then carefully coached or drilled her. However what I do find is that in the emotional conflict that [A] was caught up in over so many years both before and after the separation, she was likely to have been influenced to say things which over time she discovered her mother listened to and were perceived as being very important. The probability in my judgment is that this started from something relatively innocuous such as the sort of things that the father admits he has said; then [A] found that her mother was taking her to see a number of professionals -- social worker, doctor and child and family reporter. The danger in my judgment is that in this whole context, this whole process is likely to have conveyed to [A] the message that everything she said was likely to be treated by the mother as being ‘very important’. It may be as well that [A] wanted to gain her mother’s attention, faced as she was in 2004/5 with the new situation of the mother’s partner [B] with his children coming on the scene, and she may well have found that the things she said readily gained that attention. It may well be, as Mrs Steen, said that [A] was initially upset by being moved from Surrey to Devon and was disturbed by the kind of contact that occurred after that, with so much travelling involved, and that she was then really too young to handle it.”
“If this case had not had the evidential ‘baggage’ of the parental acrimony for so much of [A’s] life, together with the findings I have already made in relation to the mother, it might well have been possible for the court to have found that what [A] was saying to [Dr S] was capable of being believed on a balance of probability. The difficulty I find is that I cannot ignore those findings and whilst I do find that [A] did say the things set out in [Dr S’s] report and that that is all very troubling that she should be saying those things, I am unable in this case to say that what she said is more likely than not to be true in the sense that she is truly reporting what her father has actually said and done.”
“The problem is, as I have said above, that there are other possibilities for [A] saying these things; before the court can make a finding that a fact is proved on a balance of probability it needs to exclude all other reasonable possibilities. In this case I am unable to exclude the possibility that it is unsafe to rely on what [A] has said because she has for so long been living within the context of an acrimonious domestic situation, living with a mother who has I find shown herself to be very negative of the father in [A’s] presence and also I find is a person who has tried to distort the way she presents herself to this court and is therefore capable of manipulation for her own purposes”
“Mrs Steen then went on to describe the major changes which occurred in [A’s] life including the move to Devon and the difficulties which this imposed so far as contact was concerned -- especially the substantial amount of travelling involved. Then she says ‘There is every reason to think that she [A] would have anxieties and fears arising from the years of disruption and conflict between her parents, entailing her mother’s anxieties and her father’s exasperation and frustration.…. Given the history it would be expected that [A] might lack confidence, be fearful of offending either parent and be particularly sensitive to adverse criticism of one of the other and insensitive treatment by either parent..… For whatever reasons she has found some of the experiences she has had with her father frightening and inappropriate… whether the incidents which caused her fear are directly responsible for her bedwetting and nightmares can not be confirmed with any certainty given her experiences in her early childhood which could equally have been a cause for anxiety…’”
“… [The mother] in my opinion does not seek to undermine [A’s] relation with her father deliberately. However [the mother] does not appear to have understood [A’s] needs, fears and insecurities which are not entirely due to inappropriate comments made by [the father]. She should consider attending conciliation meetings with [the father] with the view to working with him so that together they offer [A] a united and caring experience of parenting…”
“I believe that he has not been particularly sensitive to [A’s] position as totally dependent on her mother. He appears at times [to] let his criticism of her mother intrude into their relationship… [He] appears to be opinionated and very ebullient in his expressions. Generally I would not say that he is given to physical aggression though his criticisms of people and situations are acute. He has been encouraged to get help with the way he approaches [A]. Conciliation meetings conducted by a professional [she means with the mother] would help in this regard…”
“…I say on the whole because in my judgment she too allowed herself to fall into the trap of elevating what [A] says into unqualified factual occurrences. With that reservation I accept her assessments of the parents and [A] because they seem to me to be generally consistent with the weight of the evidence which I have heard and read in this case. Basically I accept her overall assessment of this case…”
“I heard the evidence of each parent and read very carefully all their respective written material. As I have said above each accuses the other of being controlling and on occasions physically violent. The mother entirely rejects the description in Mrs Steen’s report that there was ‘parental conflict’ saying that every bit was the responsibility of the father and nothing to do with her. She has claimed in the past that she is so terrified of the father that she is unable to come into court when he is present. His case is that she was the dominant party who during the marriage was violent to him and wanted her own way, and then after the separation determined what contact he could have. He argues that she has sought to present in a very different way to the way he experienced her behaviour and moods. He also points out that the mother is quite prepared to come into court when it suits her. 68. In my judgment there are many inconsistencies in the mother’s evidence some of which I have already referred to. First if she was terrified of the father it is unlikely she would have permitted him to have contact to [A] alone with her at her home or at outings such as swimming, she would surely have wanted someone else there; second she has not been consistent with her alleged inability to come into court when the father has been present -- sometimes she has evidently found it quite possible to do so; third I have already referred above to the DVD; this does not show a woman who is frightened of her husband -- indeed quite the reverse in my judgment; fourthly his reaction to being told he could not see [A’s] play in 2007 was calm and restrained and finally the father did not come across to me in his evidence or in the way he conducted his case as a bullying aggressive, controlling sort of man. I was surprised by the mother’s initial reaction to Mrs Steen’s report, namely a reluctance to read it; no satisfactory explanation has been provided for this and in its absence I am driven to the conclusion that the mother quite simply did not agree with it so was not going to read it. This is consistent with the father’s evidence of her needing to have her own way and of course Mrs Steen was saying things that she the mother did not like”
“[A] now appears to be an intelligent and honest child, who was confident enough to express her fears, likes and dislikes to several people over the last year. For whatever reasons she has found some of the experiences she has had with her father frightening and inappropriate. She has been able to tell her mother who is understandably concerned.”
“I do not agree with Mrs Steen’s finding that this is a matter which can be resolved by conciliation. I am finding these proceedings extremely difficult to cope with and the thought of being in the same room as the Respondent terrifies me and causes me a great amount of anxiety. I am not, on an emotional level, able to speak with him at the present time and, until there is evidence that [he] is taking steps to address his behaviour, I do not see how any conciliation meeting will help in any event.”
“…At this, [A] glared at me, and it quickly became apparent that she did not want me to discuss the contact that she had had with her Father, with her Mother. [The mother] appeared genuinely pleased that [A] had enjoyed contact, but this did not appear to placate [A] in the slightest.”
“ … this coupled to the behaviour which she states was exhibited towards her [ie herself, the mother] shows [to the mother’s mind] that [the father] is a dangerous man.”