“I had no problems with my mother and father in law they were extremely respectable hardworking people. They in fact told (the mother) it was her fault. In fact I must praise all her family, including her brother’s (sic).”
“I say it on a balance of probabilities because I cannot be sure of anything in this case, nor do I have to be. I have been told dramatically different accounts and I feel rather like someone required to perform brain surgery with some very blunt instruments. I have to come to conclusions about this marriage on a balance of probabilities in the disconcerting knowledge that I might be completely wrong. I might hold that one or the other or both are lying to me when it is not the case. The only certain thing in this case is that have not been told the unvarnished truth by both sides that would be entirely impossible. So there they are, quite soon in a home of their own in a loveless marriage with father increasingly disappointing his in-laws and their family at the way in which he is coping with life and work in this country.”
“25. This did not happen, the injuries that were caused to mother were not caused by me. I say again I did not lay a hand upon my wife during our marriage. I got up that morning, there was nothing remarkable about it. As I recall it, mother, who did not always prepare my breakfast, was that day in bed in her separate bedroom, and I left for work at 9.30 or thereabouts. The family business was not far away from where we lived so I walked there. I heard nothing of any difficulty until three hours later when T, my brother, came to my work place to tell me that there was trouble involving the family and that there had been a fight involving my wife. He says that he did not immediately down tools and take advantage of T’s having transport to go to the house, that he walked there in his own time to see what was happening. He found the door locked and nobody there.”
“(The mother) has suffered from intrusive thoughts and images of being verbally humiliated and physically abused by her husband. These occurred without any cue or reminder for the first few weeks following her removal from her marital home. Since then they have reduced in frequency and intensity and are only triggered by cues such as conversations about her experiences. She often experiences flashbacks if she watches television scenes similar to her experiences. She is still bothered by intrusive images of the look in (the father’s) eyes whilst he was assaulting her. (The mother) continues to feel tense and anxious. She becomes easily upset and aroused and feels that her life had been destroyed. She sometimes experiences flashbacks and feels that she is reliving her experiences. She is aware that her heart starts pounding uncontrollably and she feels agitated and upset when reminded of her experiences. These symptoms are now less in their intensity and frequency than initially, but have not fully resolved. The worry that her daughter is going to be allowed contact whether direct or indirect with her father has exacerbated her agitation.”
“From (the mother)’s account, it appears that she was under enormous psychological stress at the time she was living with (the father). As a direct result of her situation within the marriage, (the mother) has suffered from symptoms of PTSD, which are highlighted in appendix A. She continues to feel anxious in relatively minor situations. Her symptoms are not as intense as initially but continue to affect her for example she is better on some days but if she needs to deal with legal issues relating to the contact order she is anxious and is unable to sleep for days beforehand. In addition, she suffers from mild symptoms of depression although she does not qualify as suffering from clinical depression. Her low moods are accompanied by anxiety and a tendency to ruminate excessively about the consequences on her life and her daughter’s if a contact order is made. She felt concerned about her daughter’s welfare as she felt H was a happier child now well cared for by her extended family and feared that contact with her father would disrupt the stability she had gained since they separated from (the father). (The mother) is extremely worried about how she will react if (the father) has contact with H. Given her own experiences while living with him she inevitably holds a deep mistrust of his motives and feels that his attempt to have contact is merely a way of gaining permanent residence. She feels agitated and traumatised at the thought of attending court to face him in any way and at present feels tremendously vulnerable and lacking the capacity to cope with the stress of a contact order in favour of (the father). However, more importantly, she is terrified about (the father) taking his frustrations out on her daughter, as her belief is that when things do not go his way, he is abusive towards those closest to him. Research suggests that there is strong likelihood that men who are physically abusive will become violent in a new relationship and that they often use non-violent tactics that can harm the children. This is a deep concern for (the mother) that either (the father) will expose H to violent situations given that he did not seek to protect her when he allegedly abused her mother or that he will be violent towards his daughter. (The father)’s contact with H will have a deleterious effect on (the mother)’s mental health by exacerbating her current symptoms of anxiety and depression therefore impacting on her ability to care for her daughter. In conclusion, (the mother) is emotionally very vulnerable and there is a danger of her mental health deteriorating into developing a clinically depressive state if her stress levels are not controlled. In my opinion a direct or indirect order would be psychologically damaging for (the mother), as she no longer has the capacity to cope with any further stress.”
“17. The court is aware of the views of Drs Sturge and Glaser on violence within the family and its effects on children and their carers. I shall quote from them: - Domestic violence involves a very serious and significant failure in parenting – failure to protect the child’s carer and failure to protect the child emotionally (and in some cases physically – which meets any definition of child abuse). Without the following we would see the balance of advantage and disadvantage as tipping against contact: - (a) Some (preferably full) acknowledgement of the violence. (b) Some acceptance (preferably full if appropriate i.e. the sole instigator of violence) of responsibility for that violence. (c) Full acceptance of the inappropriateness of the violence particularly in respect of the domestic and parenting context and the likely ill effects on the child. (d) A genuine interest in the child’s welfare and full commitment to the child. (e) A wish to make reparation to the child and work towards the child recognising the inappropriateness of the violence and the attitude to and treatment of the mother and helping the child to develop appropriate values and attitudes. (f) An expression of regret and the showing of some understanding of the impact of their behaviour on the ex-partner in the past and currently. (g) Indication that the parent seeking contact can reliably sustain contact in all senses.”
“(The father) did not meet any of the above when I first met him in 2002 shortly after the events and he is, if anything, even more in denial now. He swings from denying completely that he injured (the mother), or occasionally says that he injured her accidentally but that the responsibility for that lies with her. He does not acknowledge, nor try to understand, the impact either on the mother or on H. H has no relationship with her father and no warm memory whatsoever of him. He was part of the family for a very short time. She remembers the violence her father perpetrated against her mother during that time, and she also says that she remembers that he was violent to her. The mother is making a good job of parenting H. In spite of her anxiety, she tries hard not to let H be affected. H’s security lies with her mother and any threat to her mother’s well being is also a threat to H’s. This matter has been ongoing for two years, during which time the mother has not been free to rebuild her life. Every court hearing revives the memory of the violence for her. Dr Bhatti-Ali comments on the mother’s post-traumatic stress disorder, her vulnerability, and the possible impact that an order for direct or indirect contact would have on the mother’s physical and emotional health, and her ability to care for H. It is imperative that this matter is finally decided so that mother and child can continue to live a secure and settled life together, within their family. Balancing carefully the usual advantages against the disadvantages of contact for H, I am of the opinion that the disadvantages far outweigh any advantage. In these circumstances, and in H’s best interests, I have no hesitation in recommending an Order for No Contact.”
“A. We do not know what the future holds, your Honour, but we know how he behaved in the past and my fears are for H and her carer, how does her carer deal with it in a way that H is not in conflict, emotional conflict about this contact, and how does father portray mother to H, how does father deal with H if she is quite challenging for him? Judge Cockroft: But is this not ultimately to argue, Mrs Kilner, that in a case where, maybe for good reason, mother is irredeemably hostile to contact, contact should not take place? A. No your Honour I would not argue that. Q. Does that not cut the court out from the decision-making process altogether? A. I would say not, your Honour. I can count on maybe two fingers the cases where I have made an assessment that contact was inappropriate, and I deal with hostile parents all the time.”
“Well I can see these factors; this is not a judicial announcement of the Court of Appeal, is it? It is nothing more than common sense, but I am bound to say, Miss McFadden, what is equally if not more significant in my judgment is the months of cruelty that led up to that loss of temper on the one occasion, which no one seems to have focused much upon. But I take your point, I can see there are some paragraphs of this learned text and it is obvious that domestic violence, even when perpetrated on a partner and where the child concerned is very young is nevertheless an important factor. Miss McFadden: Your Honour I believe that to some extent the Court of Appeal have taken this research into effect in reaching judgments, and in particular that the courts would expect a violent party to change his behaviour and demonstrate that he is a fit person to have contact, so – Judge Cockroft: Having heard all the evidence in the case, having spent two days coming to an assessment of this marriage I can say now I came to the conclusion that father was not typically a violent partner.”
“….. I am grateful to you for your evidence, irrespective of the view that I may come to in the end. I hope I have an open mind but having vividly formed a picture of what led up to the lamentable events of June I do not think it would remotely useful for a psychologist or any other specialist to be focusing upon that. What is important now, three and a half years later, would be preparing father for an experience strange to him, that is to say seeing and looking after a six year old daughter, and preparing mother for the consequences of such contact. Any attempt to harp back three and a half years to what happened in the most extenuating of circumstances in June of 2001 in my judgment would be as futile as it would be unhelpful. I say that before we break in order that you might add that into the balance here. We have talked about an experiment and I am conscious that one does not experiment with a child’s welfare if the risk is disproportionate to the benefit but we all, with respect, I think ought to be approaching this case as every case on the basis that contact will be pressed for by the court, save in the most exceptional circumstances. In fifteen years I have denied a father contact who was taking drugs whilst the child was with him, I denied contact in cases of persistent and serious violence. This is not a violent man, it is a man who was driven to lose control wholly exceptionally in circumstances that |I have outlined, for which mother is principally responsible. So I am not going to say that either that event, or his continuing attitude to it, make contact something that cannot be addressed here on the face of it. What everyone seems to overlook is the long term possible disadvantage to a young child in never knowing her father. That is why, I suspect, the courts do strive, and now ever more vigorously than before, to set up contact in the teeth of hostility often, where it is thought nevertheless that in the long term there may be an advantage to the child. If it is clearly not working it will not be persisted in. That is what it looks like to me, and of course I have to hear the evidence of the parents, if mother wishes to pursue her claim that there should be no contact and I will do so being prepared to alter my views as I have presently stated them. But it will be naïve to suppose I have not got a very full grasp of this marriage from the evidence that I heard over two days, from both sides.”
“Whether or not there is another boyfriend waiting in the wings is again a matter of speculation”
“she is still vigorously fighting against any contact because she wants her daughter to have nothing to do with her father because she has nothing but contempt for that man and probably never had any other attitude than that.”
“One only needs to look at the two today to see the chasm in their culture and their background: mother with black leather trousers, a sophisticated liberated young woman, and father a peasant, unable to communicate even now in English, needing the help of an interpreter. He cuts a dejected figure.”
“…. I freely concede the error was ultimately the court’s if a clinical psychologist were to be involved at all appropriately in this case, in not giving her proper terms of reference. If we now ask for opinions which are not expert opinions and which are not foreshadowed in any written reports, who knows what might emerge, reliably or otherwise.”